Shea Serrano

Each night, my family has dinner together. It's me, Wife, Boy A, Boy B, Boy C, and we sit at a thrift store dinner table on thrift store chairs and eat a king's dinner. (After having been a stay-at-home mother for nearly six years, Wife is a remarkable cook). Part......

Welcome to another installment of the worst rap songs of the year, brought to you by Why This Song Sucks. They are all here this year: The all-the-way aged king, the suddenly mortal demigod, the former darling, the current darling, the most successful female rapper of the past decade, the......

Every year I teach my eighth grade class about the moon phases. It's slightly confusing, I suppose, because of the nomenclature. I mean, TO BE ENTIRELY REDUCTIONIST, the actual process is pretty easy: the moon appears to change shape in the sky over the course of a lunar cycle because......

First there was this, the video of DMX, a man who built a career being scarier than nuclear war, charming everyone's pants off with a Christmas carol about a reindeer with a nose that is both excellent (Kids: "Yay! Red nose! You're adorable, Rudolph!") and terrible (Doctors: "Oh no. Red......

Three, maybe four times in the last month, my car has been broken into. I suppose at least a portion of that is my fault, both macro and micro. Macro: I mean, if I'd have maybe paid more attention in school, I'd probably make more money than I do today,......

Song: Future's "Turn On The Lights" History: history? History? HISTORY? Don't be absurd. For there to be history would imply that the time-space continuum holds the Atlanta rapper Future in its grasp, that he is bound by the same physics that governs rove beetles and plums and mailmen. Future is......

Song: Maroon 5's "One More Night" History: "One More Night" is from Maroon 5's mostly supposed-to-be-saucy-but-mostly-forgettable Overexposed album, which, FYI, does not include naked pictures of Adam Levine in the liner notes so don't buy it if that's what you were thinking. You will be way disappointed when you open......

Song: The Lion King's "Hakuna Matata" History: "Hakuna Matata" is from Disney's The Lion King. The first time I saw The Lion King was as a preteen with a childhood friend named Bobby. The night before, we spent a few hours hanging out at a convenience store near his apartment......

Song: Pink's "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" History: "Blow Me" is the first single from Pink's latest album, The Truth About Love. Or, I guess it is. I'm not 100 percent sure. The songs have all been the same shit for, like, the last ten years. We get it, Pink......

In maybe one or maybe eight or maybe two or maybe six days, my third son will be pulled from my wife's womb. (C-section life, bitches.) He has a name, but I'm not going to tell you what it is. If you want to refer to him as Boy C,......