So you're stranded on a giant cruise ship 200 miles off the coast of Baja California in the Pacific. Your 952-foot vessel is adrift; the AC and the toilets are not working. You and your fellow 4,500 passengers are running low on food while the Carnival Cruise Line tries to figure out whether to tow you to Ensenada or back to San Diego. The U.S. Navy is helicoptering in 70,000 pounds of supplies, bless them. And what do they send you to eat? Pop Tarts. Crab meat. Croissants. And best of all? Spam.

Kind of like The Love Boat crossed with Sartre's No Exit. Filmed off the coast of Hawaii. By Stanley Kubrick.

The Carnival Splendor is expected to arrive back in San Diego on Thursday night. According to the AP, the fire which caused the crisis on Monday was put out and none of the 3,299 passengers and 1,167 crew members were hurt. Let's just see what shape they're in after two days of Spam and Pop Tarts.

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