So you're looking for a way to celebrate Christmas without having to sacrifice your metalhead cred in the process? If the guys from Immortal caught you tapping your foot to Mannheim Steamroller, you'd lose all corpse paint privileges with no questions asked. So to help you save (painted) face, we've put together a few brutal and epic Christmas metal videos that should make your Xmas extra brutal. Here are our top 5 super metal Christmas songs to punish your eardrums:
5. A Heavy Metal Charlie Brown Christmas
After years of speculation and allegations, it's time for Charlie Brown to come out of the closet… as a metal head. This video proves that all the pent up aggression Chuck harbors from years of sexual frustration–and countless times of having the football ripped out from beneath him–has finally come to a breaking point. Sure, this gem isn't as much a Christmas song as it's a mashup between Charlie Brown Xmas and L.A. Christian thrashers Tourniquet. And it certainly shows that Brown and the gang know how to get brutal. Pigpen's shredding on the bass, Lucy's preparing for a circle pit, Snoopy's laying down some searing licks on his two stringed guitar. Merry mayhem, indeed.
Metalometer: 3 Devil Horns up \m/ \m/ \m/
4. Kamelot – We Three Kings
Who would have thought that powermetal and Christmas songs would go together so well? Kamelot takes on the Christmas classic “We Three Kings,” delivering a powermetal opus burgeoning with strings, epic harmonized guitars, and anthemic drumming. Kamelot's exploration of classical song structures serves as the connective tissue between the seemingly disparate genres and their mastery of theatricality makes their rendition of “We Three Kings” suitable for arenas from Los Angeles to Gothenberg.
Metalometer: 2.5 Metal Horns Up \m/ \m/ .5\m/
3. Theocracy – Bethlehem
While many metal Christmas songs are meant to be ironic, Christian metal band Theocracy takes the day seriously on their song “Bethlehem. ” The song functions like many from the classic 1980's thrash era, beginning with the acoustic ballad section, then blowing up into an explosion of extended guitar solos and choruses of soaring vocals.
Metalometer: 2.878 Metal Horns Up \m/ \m/ .8787\m/
2. Mariah Carey Blast Beat version
When it comes to litmus tests of metal, Mariah Carey may very well be the most unmetal person of all time (along with Larry King). So what would it take to make the sort-of insane diva into a metal god? According to this English drummer, all it takes is a blast beat. Although he's clad in a decisively unmetal outfit involving a Super Mario shirt, some camo shorts and a tinsel garland, he delivers blast beats that are crazier than Carey hopped up on mimosas and Percoset.
Metalometer: 4.5 Devil Horns Way Up \m /\m/ \m/ \m/ .5\m/
And the number one metal Xmas song is…
1. Manowar – Silent Night
Metal icons Manowar may be better known for their fantastical album covers featuring Conan the Barbarian-like scenes of beefcake maruaders and subservient wenches than for their music. On this rendition of “Silent Night,” the gents of Manowar show off their musical prowess by playing the classic “Silent Night” almost entirely straight. Then at about two minutes in, Manowar slams into an uber heavy, epic head banger that's so old school heavy metal that you can almost feel their sweaty man-grease flying from your speakers.
Metalometer: 5 Devil Horns Way Up \m/ \m/ \m/ \m/ \m/