Yes, friends, dreams do come true. Whatever your job is now, forget it; it's time to become a sommelier. The International Sommelier Guild will begin their Spring 2011 wine education classes in Los Angeles on February 2nd at Le Petite Vendome, and they offer three different levels (Wine Fundamentals I, II, and the Sommelier Diploma Program) so even the novices among us will soon be able to tell the fleshy from the fresh, the nutty from the oaky. Wine Fundamentals I consists of 24 class hours over 4 weeks, Fundamentals II lasts 48 hours, and the Sommelier Diploma Program is a six-month course with one eight hour class per week.
The best part, though, is that the classes will be taught by a certified sommelier, so you know you'll be getting the finest information about the fat, meaty, supple, and even (shockingly) the vinous characteristics of each of the wines in the included tasting. That hint of cat-piss on the finish is a trifle impertinent, no?
The International Sommelier Guild is a community of wine experts and professionals who pride themselves on being licensed by the boards of education in each state in which they teach classes, so you'll be throwing down like Giamatti in no time.