Gustavo Arellano

Dear Mexican: I have very, very light skin because of my Scandinavian heritage. Around Halloween, someone asked me if it was white-face makeup. Why is it that Mexican men find my pallor so fascinating? —Fair Maiden Dear Gabacha: BECAUSE YOU’RE WHITE. Mexicans love gabachos even though you’ve fucked our country......

Dear Mexican: How can you explain the disparity between Japan and Mexico? Japan is a nation a fraction the size of Mexico, with zero natural resources, suffered a devastating war of four years that included two atom bombs, yet has reached the highest in educational achievements, technological advancements and economic......

Dear Readers: Folks went loco following my September 7 column that blamed Chicano studies for spawning a generation of humorless activists and “corrupt[ing] the brains of young Mexicans with antiquated concepts like victimization, objectification and grade inflation.” Too many letters and comments from professors, activists and Zack de la Rocha......

Dear Mexican: I have a stupid, unemployed, 16-year-old gangbangin’ cousin who already dropped out of school, and I’m pretty sure most Mexicans are related to somebody who fits that description. About eight months ago, he knocked up a girl around his age, so last week I was dragged to their......

Dear Mexican: I see Jews, Asians and Persians making something of themselves and conducing safe, walkable communities. Of course they’re not perfect, but I don’t see high Jew-crime communities. I see these people sticking together and helping each other out instead of envying their own. Why can’t Mexicans get their......

Dear Mexican: My gabacha friends and I marched in the May pro-amnesty rallies and wanted to show our support on ?our chests as well as our feet. We wore ?T-shirts that read, “I only [picture of big, juicy lips] mojados” on the front, and, “Yo solo [lips] mojados” on the......

Sometimes a CD?Is Just a CD Why do Mexicans hang CDs from their cars’ rear-view mirrors? —Poor Use of That Album Dear PUTA: Any number of reasons. Mexicans love religious tchotchkes — seven separate religious icons guard my car, from a rosary to a St. Jude prayer card to a......