Big things going down in the Glendale News-Press today, like six unidentified police officers on paid leave for unpolicemanlike conduct and a charity drive to collect 100,000 lemons, grapefruits and oranges.

But one big thing, above all others, stands out to us as northeast L.A. County news item o' the day:

The two-and-a-half foot arrow, carved from wood and glazed in a carbon-fiber finish, that was shot through the bedroom window of Priscilla and Andras Muller, an old couple living in west Burbank, on Saturday evening.

Just the kind of big thing one hopes to leave behind when settling into the 700 block of North Buena Vista Street, like the Mullers did in 1984. (Then again, Gun World's right around the corner.)

“My thought was just to have a nice home in my older age and be comfortable,” Priscilla tells the News-Press, adding that she hasn't gotten a good night's sleep since the arrow landed.

“Something is going on here, and it just needs to stop,” says her husband.

The story is a small-town newspaper's dream, allowing for a full bundt cake of masked irony — a petty homeowner's drama structured like a real big-city crime.

Reporter Gretchen Meier, on the suburban mystery beat:

When Priscilla Muller heard the loud crash through her bedroom window, she thought it was an earthquake, or maybe even a squirrel. What she found was a 2 1/2-foot carbon-fiber arrow lodged in the wall above her bed.

At first, she and her husband didn't know what caused the sound. They found broken glass on the floor near her window, but nothing else appeared amiss.

It was only after the 79-year-old turned off her computer and began to make her bed for the night that she noticed a plastic feather on her comforter and looked up to find the arrow in the wall.

Ah, yes. The ominous plastic feather falls again.

The Burbank Police Department is stumped. But KTLA reporters wade further into the perils of Mr. and Mrs. Muller, sticking their camera up in rowdy neighbors' beezwax (they're the suspected culprits, as the arrow came from their side of the fence) and scolding police investigators for not tearing themselves away from the Super Bowl long enough to put the victims at ease.

An interview with the guy next door at 715 North Buena Vista, who's holding a Corona and overall just looking stupid guilty, is evidence enough to solve the crime:

“I don't know what to say about that, Buddy,” he says. “The superbowl's on, you're talking about arrows, really…”

For a good time, skip to 0:56:


Sooo… If we had to guess, some post-college good-for-nothings got drunk, stuck a photo of one evil ex-professor on the fence — target practice, dude! — and got a little over-eager when drawing back the longbow. An archery expert tells KTLA that the arrow had to have been travelling between 125 and 175 feet per second at the time it penetrated the Mullers' bedroom wall. Yikes. Must have taken at least an 18-pack of Corona to reach that kind of rage.

“From what we can tell, it does not appear the arrow was shot with a malicious intent,” Burbank Police Detective Martha Jimenez tells the News-Press. “But the case is still being investigated.”

The story ends on a sad note: The Mullers can't afford to have the window fixed. And today, the Burbank Police Department has yet to return our calls.

Damn hooligans. Maybe the Burbank drive-by paintball gang has something to do with the latest horseplay on North Buena Vista?

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