WAITING FOR FOREVER Did you hear the one about the young TV actress who rebuffs — then ultimately falls for — the emotionally stunted street performer who has been stalking her across the country since childhood? Strangely unaware of its overt creepiness, this unsettling puppy-dog romance from actor-turned-director James Keach (The Stars Fell on Henrietta) and writer Steve Adams (Envy) stars Rachel Bilson as the ingénue, with Tom Sturridge as the free spirit (read: homeless dude) who has pined for her since, well, forever. Dressed in a bowler hat and vest over pajamas, Sturridge's orphaned juggler is a miscalculated amalgam of quirky innocence — Johnny Depp's vaudevillian flair from Benny & Joon paired with the pushover chivalry of Pretty in Pink's Duckie — who comes off as a punchably self-indulgent sponger who needs to grow a pair, get a job and stop reminiscing about being a kid. When Bilson returns home to Anytown, USA, to be with her cancer-ridden father (Richard Jenkins) and daffy mother (Blythe Danner), you-know-who follows, their nonrelationship further complicated by the arrival of her bad-boy beau. Dreamy flashbacks, third-act self-realizations and melodramatic plot devices ensue (Dad's already dying, so why not add an accidental murder?), with a nostalgic tone less heartfelt than Hipstamatic's retro camera filters. (Aaron Hillis) (Grove)

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