This broke on the Telegraph in the UK a few weeks ago, but a recent incident in a small-town bar leads us to believe it didn't make enough of the rounds.
It was getting near closing time at a local watering hole where we found ourselves surrounded by several townie types and a few former high school classmates. The bar's owner was drinking with us and decided to show off his latest high-tech purchase – a giant 3D TV hanging behind the bar next to the whiskey.
We all were handed 3D glasses and as we laughed at each other the owner announced, “It's time for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. In 3D, bitches.”
And as the first scantily clad, Amazonian women sashayed down the runway wearing pink tutus around their jutting hips, more than two of the gentlemen seated to our left exclaimed, “Holy shit. They're perfect.”
Oh young boy. You have so much learning to do.
Women on TV, the ones who wear tight dresses, tiny outfits, latex sheaths and whatever else their stylists are squeezing them into, look great. They have to. It's their job. And when you're a model getting ready to wear a postage stamp in front of millions of salivating people they'll do whatever it takes to look flawless.
But though some might argue that these women are naturally slender, bony and lanky even these gorgeous specimens must undergo drastic diets and exercise routines in order to fool the rest of us into believing it's natural.
Victoria's Secret model/goddess Adriana Lima revealed that, in order to prepare for the big fashion show, she worked out twice a day (!) with a personal trainer and drank at least a gallon of water a day. She drank protein shakes and took supplements, and for almost two weeks she ate nothing solid. No chewing, no gnawing, no nothing.
The concoctions she swallowed included powdered egg so she had some semblance of protein.
And two days before the show she drank just a small amount of water so as not to bloat, and 12 hours prior she stopped all eating and drinking.
“No liquids at all so you dry out, sometimes you can lose up to eight pounds just from that,” Lima told the Telegraph.
Oh for Pete's sake.
Lima's abdominal lines looked chiseled and her jawline was taught. Nothing folded, jiggled or wobbled – not even her breasts. And men everywhere ogled her angles while their girlfriends, wives and roommates stared at the screen searching for something to critique.
She might be walking, breathing and batting her eyelashes. But she's not real.
On a related note, there's been gossip regarding Katy Perry and a possible pregnancy. Photos of her on the red carpet and a couple of performances in NYC revealed a less-than-flat stomach and naturally the universe went into baby mode.
But Perry took some time to let the b.s. subside and then told the media to shut the fuck up (using more polite words).
“I like In-N-Out Burger and Taco Bell, and if you want to make that pregnant, that's your problem.”
Even the women whose job descriptions include perfection in public can't keep it up 24/7. Even the skinny pretty girls weren't born that way, and undergo serious health-altering deprivation to fake it.