L.J. WilliamsonRead more in our sex features, “Sex and This City: What are Angelenos Looking For?,” “Give Sodomy a Chance,” “iPhilandering: It's Easy to Be Sleazy!,” and “Uncomplicated Casual Sex? Not Easy to Find on Craigslist.”
College campuses have quite a reputation for bawdy behavior these days, especially if you look at popular online sites.
But a close look at PornDorm.com, CampusQuim.net, SophomoreWhores.com, Pac10Poontang.com, TwinXXXtraLong.net, OSUBeavers.com and BackDoorBaccalaureates.edu reveals that the sites are rife with inaccuracies and difficult-to-verify accounts. So the Weekly took matters into its own hands, asking 175 UCLA students to fill out a survey.
The answers provide glimpses of nascent sexual imaginations, as well as hard evidence of the firm entrenchment of traditional gender roles. Yet the primary finding is that this first generation to grow up with the Internet — and therefore easy access to porn — has scarcely been corrupted by the experience, or at least not as adequately as one might hope.
Students reveal sporadic instances of hotness, but rather than being as thoroughly steeped in the fresh and frisky hijinks of newly minted sexuality as CoedSlutz.com had led us to believe, responses often are more evocative of the modesty and fumbling that accompany many early sexual experiences.
For example, we were surprised by the number who say it is reasonable to expect to encounter a prospective partner who was a virgin, and by the number who feel that virginity was an admirable trait. Students also are a lot more likely to describe their sexual style as rooted in love or passion than in garden-variety horniness, and although this is far from universal, several respondents say it was “never” OK to engage in oral sex.
In short, we learned that the coeds aren't really slutz at all. We also learned that not everything you read on the Internet is true. Go figure.
1. Let's say you got drunk last night. What probably happened next?
Threesomes no, vomiting yes. At least they're honest.
2. Assume you are a virgin, and you've decided to sell your virginity. What, realistically, is the highest bid?
The way respondents priced the majority of the population out of the market, it seems as if they'd be content to remain virgins forever — and some even said as much, describing their virginity as “priceless.”
Not surprisingly, even in 2011, maidenheads command the highest imaginary sum. The boys were cheap sluts by comparison. One male even indicated that he would let his virginity go for 11 cents. A few heterosexual males, however, priced their purity at above $1 billion, probably without stopping to consider the fact that most of the people in the world who could afford such extravagances are also male.
3. Who is the celebrity you most want to have an affair with?
4. Assume you're bisexual. Who would you want to have a same-sex affair with?
5. What do you think is the ideal length of an erect penis?
A girl can dream, can't she?
6. What phrase best describes you in bed?
True to type, more females described themselves as “deeply in love” than males did, indicating once again that he's just not that into you. Yet the girls are equally unimpressed in another arena: Although almost twice as many boys liked to describe themselves as “hot and nasty” as did girls, more than three times as many girls felt “easily bored” compared with the boys. At least somebody's having a good time.
7. Masturbation: How many times per day would you call excessive?
Note: Two females and two males said they felt masturbating one time per day was excessive.
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8. What's the best song to put on during sex?
Marvin Gaye was a popular choice for both genders. Females tended to choose songs that pay them compliments: “You're Beautiful,” “She Will Be Loved,” “Foxy Lady,” “Sexy Bitch.”
Males didn't much care about the music, so long as they were getting laid. Many wrote answers like “anything,” “any soft song” or “any mellow song,” or “porn music.” A few specific selections included “Moonlight Sonata,” “Baby Got Back,” “Push It, Grind on Me,” “Naked” and one hard-to-find album we'd love to get our hands on: “Sounds to Fuck to.”
9. At what age do you think it's OK for someone to start having oral sex?
Most males said it was OK at 16, and most females were OK with it by 18. Two females and zero males said it was appropriate to wait until age 21; four females and zero males said, “never.”
10. Assume a prospective partner tells you, “I've slept with X people.” What number makes you say, “That's reasonable”? What number makes you say, “That's impressive”? What number makes you say, “Get away from me, that's gross”?
Men had a broader range of what they felt was tolerable: Some answered that 10 partners was reasonable, but a comparable number felt 10 was gross. Ten percent of males felt that it would take more than 50 previous partners before they would kick someone out of bed. The college-age females were more unilateral in stating that 10 and above is getting gross, and 20 or more is decisively gross.
The most surprising result was that the number “zero” came up as often as it did: 2 percent of females and 4 percent of males felt it was reasonable to expect their partners to be virgins, 20 percent of females and 24 percent of males described a perfectly clean record as “impressive,” but one male respondent categorized it as “gross.”
11. If a partner took nude photos of you, what steps would you take to make sure they didn't wind up on Facebook?
Awww, isn't it sweet that so many think “trust” is going to work? And isn't it sweet that it didn't occur to any of the girls to use threats?
12. What's the best date movie to watch before having sex?
The difference between those answers makes us fear for the species. The overwhelming favorite of females is a story of love between a classy and beautiful rich girl with pretty hair and clothes who falls for a poor yet hunky country boy who loves her faithfully, unwaveringly and unconditionally. Tragically, the couple is separated, but eventually love conquers all. They grow old together and die in each other's arms. The favorite date movie of males has spaceships and talking robots and a big explosion at the end.
13. What is the worst movie to watch before sex?
The moral of the story: Darth Vader is not as bad as Hitler.
14. Which innocent childhood fantasies could best morph into adult sexual fantasies?
Of course oral sex with Barney, My Little Pony play and eating out with Cookie Monster were the most bland, obvious and predictable choices — Cookie Monster even appeared in the form of a sexy Halloween costume last year.
What was more startling was the appearance of Sailor Moon, Jessica Rabbit and the Pink Power Ranger, who were listed by both males and females as sex objects. Oh, let's drop the charade. Anyone in their right mind would want to get it on with magically delicious Sailor Moon, but Barney? That's just wrong.
Click here to download the entire survey. Laura Colisimo, Ali Trachta, Gendy Alimurung and Paul Abramson contributed to this story.
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