As Dinah Washington once sang, “what a difference a day makes, twenty-four little hours”!
It seems like only yesterday when we all went about our daily routines safe in the knowledge that the sun was shining above us, a competent guy who looks good in Shephard Fairey posters was still our president, and Latin pop sensation Ricky Martin was a suave lothario who was just mad for lady pussy.
And then the last part of that equation came crashing down for you, me, and thousands of YouTube commenters who spent the whole day grieving the death of Ricky Martin's heterosexuality by annotating his surreal video for “She Bangs.”
Watch how a nation mourns our collective loss of innocence. If Ricky Martin's shocking coming out is our generation's assassination of JFK, the “She Bangs” video is our very own Zapruder film.
Top Ten YouTube Comments for Ricky Martin's 'She Bangs' in the Last 24 Hours
[Tip o' the proverbial hat to Dennis Romero, who's still coping with the shock of this momentous revelation.]
10. “HA!! ud be surprice to find out how many so called RANCHEROS and NORTENOS are gay!!!”
9. “916kyle punk: “The only time you should worry about gays if you get stuck in jail.” I guess you know from experience punk. You sound like you'd make someone a good bitch.”
8. “ROFLMAO. I'm glad I didn't end up a “pretty boy” or an overly “cute boy”, because I really do love women sexually. Countless times I've overheard girls at bars say they've chased after gorgeous guys only to find out they're gay and actually have the gall to be frustrated. And now their dream guy comes out of the closet. Doh! “
7. “Ricky Martin and William Hung are going to Bang. To Bang. Bang SOOOOOOOOOO HARD.”
6. ” what the hell he means she bangs! hes the one who bangs! ” [Ed's note–a huge number of commenters pointed this out. Not very clever minds also think alike.]
5. ” Is it weird I like Ricky way more now? I'm completely heterosexual…but…spicy!” [Ed's note: you misused “completely” there]
4. ” you just KNOW hes a sloppy party bottom…he probably squishes when he walks”
3. ” this guy can still get more women to me and im the straight one, life is unfair” [Ed's note: hey dude, did you know chicks dig proper grammar?]
2. “Fuck! He's so damn hot<333 And now there will be two Ricky jrs for the future generation. So jealous" [Ed's note: paging Chris Henson…]
1. “Arriba con la homosexualidad!!! VIVA RICKY MARTIN!”