For all of the disses and shots Game is throwing out lately, you'd almost think he had a new album due next week or something. (Well, he does, and he's going to be on our cover, too.)
The latest to find themselves on Jayceon's shit list is Bay Area phenomenon Lil B, whom Game this week dubbed “the wackest rapper of all time.” But while B's bulbous back catalog does have some clunkers, we at West Coast Sound are still big fans. Instead, here are five other rappers who are much stinkier.
5. Brian Austin Green
A motherfucking wack rap phenomenon — in concept at least, if not execution. The idea of a kid from privileged teen-drama series Beverly Hills 90210 hooking up with The Pharcyde's Slim Kid Tre to craft a rap album sounds like ripe fodder for a bad spin-off franchise, but 1996's One Stop Carnival is all too real. In fairness, the beats are immensely better than anything else on this list, and Green's flow might be more accomplished than anyone down with Team Gucci. Any revisionist attempts to position this as a lost classic from a pre-Eminem white rap chap is Internet contrariness broadcasting only from the asylum, however. Still, the notorious B.A.G. grabbed the last laugh by getting hitched to Megan Fox.
4. Mike Jones
Houston's Jones is a rapper whose fleeting gimmick during the height of his 2004 peak was to repeat the catchphrase “Who? Mike Jones” ad nauseam while giving out his cell phone number. (In the likely chance it's not etched in your brain, it was 281-330-8004, with the last digit pronounced fo' for passable rhyming reasons.) It was a move which paid off briefly, with Jones riding the Swishahouse hype along with Paul Wall and Chamillionaire, and “Still Tippin'” becoming redolent of the times. Then, of course, everyone sobered up and realized Jones was little more than a gibbering mush-mouth of a spitter.
3. Marky Mark
The younger Wahlberg brother may have redeemed himself with Entourage, which features a near exclusively hip-hop soundtrack, but his place in wack rapper history is etched eternal thanks to 1991's dance hit “Good Vibrations.” In rhyme terms, the verses are a delectable smorgasbord of awful quotables — “Marky Mark and I'm here to move you!/ Rhymes will groove you!” — underscored by anti-drug sentiments like, “Donny D's on the back-up/ Drug free, so put the crack up.” However, rumors about a lost conceptual mixtape — the details of which we won't get into here — proved to be unfounded when we last looked on Wikipedia.
2. Vanilla Ice
If you can judge a wack rapper by the number of other hip-hop artists who've dissed him, then Mr. Van Winkle is the ultimate rap whipping boy. Throughout his career the “Ice Ice Baby” man has been on the lyrical hit list of the 2 Live Crew, Eminem, Del The Funky Homosapien, and two-thirds Caucasian rap troupe 3rd Bass. All that, and persistent rumors that Suge Knight dangled him out of an office window in a royalties extortion jape leave an unceremonious stamp on Ice's rap rep — although in shades of Austin-Green, he did get snuggly with Madonna for a while.
On the basis of track titles like “Dance With A Pimp” and “America's Most Hated” alone, how could Britney's brief boo's rap career possibly fail? Well, a reliance on rhymes that invoked the schoolyard phrase “ants in your pants” may have something to do with it. Still, K-Fed's dull, cliched rap lyrics didn't seem to deter him from prancing around in a white wife-beater at every opportunity during 2006, and he even snagged a guest spot from the wifey on “Crazy.” Apparently K-Fed's performance of “Lose Control” at the 2006 TeenChoice Awards prompted the crowd to honor him with a standing ovation. Fear for the future.
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