The jury is out on whether Tom Cruise has the movie of the summer in The War of the Worlds, but it’s assured he made the talk-show appearance of the season with Oprah last week. He’s been turning up with the likes of Billy Bush on Access Hollywood to profess his love for new girlfriend Katie Holmes, but for Oprah, Cruise, dressed in all-black and looking like a high-powered hair stylist ready to hawk a new conditioner, turned his famous tendency to give up nothing in interviews into a new form of aggressively physical, coded sign language of non-response. Half of the airtime was spent on the subject of Holmes, but Cruise managed to communicate only in jumps on the couch, hand-clasped wrassling maneuvers with the host, impromptu risings from the chair, and Rodin’s Thinker–ish drops to the floor with accompanying fist-pumps. Maybe those last demonstrations meant “I love you, Katie” or “You’re so fuckin’ hot, Katie” (minus the Pat O’Brien sleaze factor), but who knows? But I think, with Oprah’s basso profundo sports-announcer vocal that she saves for audience-rousing mega-moments — “YOU get a car, YOU get a car,” “TOM CRUISE IS IN THE HOUSE!!!” — and Cruise’s peacock-spreading-his-feathers method of macho posturing, these two have only one entertainment arena left to conquer: the World Wrestling Federation.

LA Weekly