As long as we're on the subject of Bob Lefsetz, let's talk Bob Lefsetz.

I've stayed away from mentioning Santa Monica-based music biz prognosticator Bob Lefsetz because, well, he hangs himself from the endless rope on a daily — nay, hourly — basis every time he opens his blathering Bachman-Turner-Overdrive mouth. As in:

But the pundits just accuse those into classic rock as being old farts. Like the music of today’s players is just as good as those of the Beatles’. Hell, it’s not as good as that of the Dave Clark Five. Not even Herman’s Hermits.

I mean, how does this man get attention? (I think it may have something with his look, which relies heavily on Polo shirts with upturned collars, and is perhaps who Vampire Weekend stole their look from):

So anyway, it's April Fool's Day, dummy, so beware of people in general. But the annual yuck-fest can be useful, as it offers a good litmus test in determining who's funny and who's unfunny. Bob Lefsetz is unfunny, the proof being his morning gag: “Apple Buys Universal.”

With the Net ablaze with talk of Jim Griffin's P2P licensing scheme, Steve Jobs has worked in secret to pull off the staggering, mind-bending, game-changing acquisition of Universal Music …

As for Apple… The old saw was content is king. But savvy observers know that distribution is king. Which is why the major labels are screwed, for they no longer have a stranglehold on distribution. But if one owns both the content AND the distribution, one truly is king. It's akin to Terry McBride's concept of collapsing the copyrights. If you control everything, you don't have to ask for permission, you just act!

And starting April 15th, all Universal tracks at the iTunes Store will be fifteen cents. Steve wanted the price to be lower, rumor has it as low as nine cents, but he couldn't convince Marty Bandier and the rest of the publishers to lower their share, so fifteen cents it is.

To parse the many ways in which Lefsetz's “gag” is unfunny is pointless. He's usually funnier when he's not trying to be, as in:

Vinyl’s not coming back. It’s too fragile.


I’m going to make a prediction. The major labels are not going to control the future.

Can you say, “Fish in a barrel?” Yes. Fish in a barrel. We're going to call Lefsetz on his bullshit from now on. We get his silly-ass Lefsetz Letter – it arrives like a morning poop – and can't resist skimming it for yucks, which come when you least expect them.

We recommend this fella, who's name is Dino Dini, take Lefsetz's place as the spokesperson for the biz. He says more in the first fifteen seconds of this clip than Lefsetz has said in all of 2008.

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