We told you game night wasn't over.
When we left the Housewives last week, a game of “Name That Celebrity I Rub Elbows With” had quickly spiraled into a knockdown, drag out if not choreographed à la West Side Story brawl between newcomer Brandi Glanville and the Richards sisters, Kim and Kyle.
And as last night's episode kicked off, it only got worse.
As if Brandi accusing Kim of being wasted weren't touchy enough, as the tiff continued, she felt compelled to specify exactly what Kim was wasted on: crystal meth.
Now, a close friend and fellow Housewives fanatic actually made this very same hypothesis last week. He said it would explain why Kim was so sick on the trip to Beaver Creek, since she wouldn't have been able to travel with drugs, and might have been detoxing. Plus it would be a possible explanation for why her behavior's been so erratic.
But we certainly don't know for sure. Here's what we do know: it is ill-advised to make accusations that a person you met merely hours ago has a methamphetamine addiction when you just joined a reality TV show full of women who look for reasons to team up against you. You will end up crying about being the victim of “mean girls” and hobbling home on your crutches all alone and friendless, which is exactly what happened.
Ugh, and here's the worst part. It actually almost came to blows between Brandi and Kyle, and a choked up Taylor got between them and broke it up (once again yelling the fight-ending magic word, “Enough!”) saying she simply won't have people “touching each other” in this house. It was another awkward, if not telling, moment with Taylor, alluding to the violence we now know was going on in her own home.
Game night couldn't end without one last suck-up move from Dana, who reassured Kyle that she's there for her, and “we're all in this together, forever.” Wait, who is? “Let's go on this journey with her,” Dana encouraged Kyle, referring to Kim. What? It was pretty unclear whether Dana was talking about this journey of kicking a substance abuse habit or the girls weekend trip she'd suggested 10 minutes prior. Suddenly we weren't sure who was the incoherent one in this scenario.
On the lighter side of the episode, Lisa Vanderpump began planning her daughter Pandora's wedding, which means we got to meet the Asian version of “Franck.” As Lisa pointed out (to our dismay, because we wanted to be the first to make that joke) her wedding planner is pretty much exactly like the character Martin Short played in Father of the Bride, only with a much bigger budget.
Franck, who's real name is Kevin Lee but we're not going to call him that, can't see Pandora's at-home wedding going off for less than 1 million dollars, which caused Lisa to reply, “What's he going to do as party favors — give people a bag of money to go home with?” Well, come on, Lisa. Times are tough. A bag of money would be a lot more useful to your comparatively poor friends than some bullshit “Pandora + what's-his-name 4 Life” commemorative coffee mug. Also, we'll be waiting by the mailbox for our invite.
Finally, the Housewives, including Kyle, who actually likes Camille now, went to Camille's breast and prostate charity luncheon where she and her mother were honored, only to scoff at its decor (calling it a ridiculous “Easter basket”) and ignore Brandi, who'd only showed up to prove she wasn't afraid of Kyle. (At least they're donating money while persecuting each other, right?)
You'd think all this teaming up against Brandi would bond Kim and Kyle, but previews show us their relationship is still quite strained. More confrontations to come at next week's “relaxing” ladies spa day. See you then.