Last week, we unveiled the Top 20 Sexiest Male Musicians of All Time. As usual, there were cries of “What about that one guy I think is hot?” We agree with some of them. Jim Morrison was a talented mess with serpentine hips that looked good in leather. Michael Hutchence was a talented mess with enviable hair who looked good in leather. We regret those omissions, but hey, a democracy is a democracy.
But some revered sex symbols are overrated. LL Cool J's been up in the gym way too much, for instance. Jon Bon Jovi looked better with feathered bangs. Some men have it; others only briefly hold it. Here, then, are the five most overrated male musician sex symbols.
5. Gavin Rossdale
Take away his hair, and dude's just not that hot. For years, girls have salivated over the Bush frontman, but coming on the heels of Nirvana's success, his brand of grungy broodiness felt so … manufactured. Anyway, since he and Gwen Stefani have been together, we've always found ourselves staring at the bottle-blond bombshell. The view is nice when Gavin strips off his shirt, but how difficult is it to sculpt rock-solid abs as a man? Not as hard as it is for a woman who's had his two babies.
He named his kid Fuchsia. He's a devotee of yoga. He and his wife have endless tantric sex sessions (by the way, anyone who talks that much about sex is probably not very good at it). He used to only eat animals he had raised before adopting a macrobiotic diet. Basically, he's an tree-hugging hippie's wet dream. We just prefer men who smell like cigarettes and bourbon, not Tom's of Maine deodorant. (Which is to say, body odor.)
3. Jack White
Why do people think this man is sexy? Yes, he's good at playing guitar. So was Stevie Ray Vaughn, yet he's not making any “sexiest” lists. Black looks like Edward Scissorhands. Also, what's with his Willy Wonka hat obsession? He and Carrie Bradshaw must share a closet.
Maybe we just can't get with the idea of sexing a former kid star. Or maybe it's because Usher has started creeping around like a predator in his videos and trying to make music the young folks like even though he's all of 33 years old. More likely, though, it's that he aired his dirty laundry — his girlfriend, “Chilli” from TLC, claimed he cheated on her — on the album Confessions. No matter how many reps you do in the gym, all we see is a man who can't keep his mouth shut.
1. John Mayer
The four other men on this list are Adonises compared to this dork. Does his performance face turn you on? His inner fame whore? His self-absorption? The way he kisses and tells? His “David Duke cock”? John Mayer is the classic example of the guy who was a geek in high school, gained a modicum of cool afterwards and became utterly insufferable. Anytime you get cocky about bagging Jessica Simpson, Mayer, just remember: you got Nick Lachey's seconds.