Nelly kept it clean for you

By Chaz Kangas

Even though it's patently ridiculous, a clean version of A$AP Rocky's “Fuckin' Problems” exists. It's funny. And, like watching Die Hard on TBS (“Yippee ki-yay, mother trucker!”). Indeed, it's much more fun when rappers sub in different words, rather than just bleep them, case in point: “I'm not a player, I just crush a lot.”

And over the years, many a clean version has gotten airplay, some even better than the original. Here, we count down the best five, because why the freak not?

5) Xzibit – “Paparazzi”

As you probably know, years before he was hosting Pimp My Ride or starring alongside Nicolas Cage, Mr. X-to-the-Z was making some classic West coast hip-hop. His breakout single “Paparazzi” is a masterpiece on its own, but the clean version sounds like it was possibly recorded weeks after the original, when Xzibit had an even stronger mastery of his flow, making for an even smoother stab at rappers who are only in the game for the money and fame.

See also: Jeff Weiss' Xzibit feature

4) Ying Yang Twins – “Wait (The Whisper Song)”

Hey, how you doing little momma let me whisper in your ear, tell you something that you might like to hear that contains no foul language. The unedited version of “Wait (The Whisper Song)” is so absurdly filthy, even by Ying Yang Twins standards, that there's actually two clean edits of the song, one with sound effects and this squeaky clean one with the lyrics almost completely rewritten and re-performed. The sinister purring here of members Kaine and D-Roc suggests innuendo so vague (“Wait til I show you this”) that it almost sounds dirtier than the original.

See also: Twerk Pioneers the Ying Yang Twins Talk Twerking and Miley Cyrus (TWERK!)

3) Nelly – “Country Grammar (Hot S***)”

We don't think we're telling tales out of school when we say that the hook on the clean version of Nelly's “Country Grammar” is far superior. Think about it, in the summer of 2000 as you watched the Survivor finale, do you recall having more fun saying “boom boom baby” or “street-sweeper baby?”

2) Wu-Tang Clan – “Shame On a Nuh”

It's one of the most galvanizing beats that RZA produced, boasting some of the most quotable lines that (arguably) the greatest group in rap recorded. So why not make a radio edit of a song that would otherwise never get mainstream play by replacing the offensive language with guttural outbursts? “Shame on a Nuh” is a great group grunt-along that everybody in the car can get down with.

1) Jay-Z featuring Amil and Ja Rule – “Can I Get A…”

Looking back on the stand-out cut from the Rush Hour soundtrack 15 years later, Jay-Z has to know that the clean version of “Can I Get A…” will always be head and shoulders above its source material. Keep positive, you guys. Bounce with me with me with me.

Follow us on Twitter @LAWeeklyMusic, and like us at LAWeeklyMusic.

Top 10 Rap Battles in History

Top 60 Worst Lil Wayne Lines on Tha Carter IV

Five Rappers That Fans Love and Critics Can't Stand

The 20 Worst Hipster Bands

Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting LA Weekly and our advertisers.