The next time you're sitting at the beautiful caffeine lab that is Intelligentsia, your MacBook open, your dog at your feet, your hands shaking as you happily knock back your fifth double espresso, consider this hilarious Death By Caffeine calculator. Energy Fiend is a site that allows you to calculate the amount of caffeine in a vast array of products, which is helpful enough. But it also has a function for you to input your weight and your highly-charged product of choice — you can choose Death By Caffeine USA, Australia/NZ or UK and EU, which are differentiated by available products and whether you measure your weight in pounds or kilograms — and determine how much Booty Sweat Energy Drink, Red Bull or Starbucks Tall Americanos will kill you.

Of course the site, which is run by a small team of “hobbyists” and “not by a beverage manufacturer or lobby group,” hastens to tell you that it is a humor site rather than a scientific one. Sure, they want to increase our awareness of the often absurd amounts of caffeine found in many products. But they also include a logical disclaimer. “Do not try this at home. If you actually try this and end up dying after only 140 energy drinks instead of 143, it's not our fault.” Consider it the Darwinism clause.

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