There were way too many stupid alleged criminals to chose from this year. So we'll kick off The Informer's 2011 year-end lists with a solid, entertaining Top 5 of reported retardos, from a suspect said to have videotaped his endeavor to the genius who is accused of putting his underage fantasy on Craigslist — multiple times:
5. Alex Eljabiri. Cops really like this suspect because, they say, he made their job so much easier. Eljabiri is accused of burglarizing a residence on 28th Avenue in Venice last spring. You know how they can tell? He allegedly captured the event on video — on a stolen iPod.
4. Christian Borro. If the last guy made authorities' work a little easier, this suspect helped out just as much or more. Borro, a San Diego community college student, is accused of rolling up to a patrol unit in downtown L.A. last summer and declaring to the cops inside, “Officer, I just stole this car.” He was, of course, arrested.
3, Ahmad Mabrok. Look, if you're going to steal a white Hummer stretch limo, as Mabrok is accused of doing in Orange County, than at least stay dressed as authorities inevitably find you (in a vehicle the size of some island nations). Unfortunately for this suspect, sometime during a police chase he disrobed and then, with TV news choppers watching (for your benefit), he stopped the SUV and ran away, al fresco, only be nabbed … by police dogs. Ouch.
2. Jacob Kiss: This 19-year-old is the so-called Gumby Robber. Nuff said, right? Yeah, wearing a Gumby costume, he entered a San Diego 7-11 with an accomplice and said he had a gun. Many folks thought it was a hoax (San Diego police Det. Gary Hassen told us, “We don't take it as a prank”). But the D.A. brought charges, and Kiss ultimately pleaded guilty, along with his side kick, to misdemeanor burglary.
Shaw Bruce Warrington: We love Shaw for the sheer, alleged stupidity involved in this here case. You see, cops say he sought underage girls and their moms for three-ways via Craigslist personal ads. And when they set up a sting involving a fictional 13-year-old, he showed up to an Orange County Starbucks in order to “teach her how to have sex,” authorities alleged. Of course, Mr. Warrington was arrested and is innocent until proven otherwise.