EVERYONE. Stop what you're doing immediately. This is breaking news. A new survey has revealed exactly when a lady is most in the mood for sex. Seriously. I'm not making this up.

1000 women took part in a survey by Women's Health Magazine, and from this it was deduced that a lady feels most lustful… wait for it… At around 11pm on a Saturday night. Are you taking note, boys? This could be down to a number of things. Letting off steam after a long week is a definite possibility, along with the fact that at 11pm on a Saturday night, there's a distinct chance that a couple of glasses of wine will have been consumed.

The survey went on to reveal that forty per cent of the women questioned admitted they were particularly fond of having “al fresco” sex. Outdoor passion was described as being “the most exciting”, followed by getting amorous in the workplace, with getting down on a beach coming in third. Some might dispute the fact that having sex on a beach is pretty much the same thing as doing it outdoors, but I digress.

Along with these revelations, the research concluded that out of everyone in the UK and Ireland, women in Scotland and England were happiest with their sex lives. An impressive four out of five women said that their bedroom shenanigans were very satisfactory. Good for them.

She must be from Scotland.

She must be from Scotland.

In dismal contrast, less than a third of Irish women could say the same. Either us Celtic lasses are very hard to please, or someone seriously needs to look into the plight of the sexually active Irish female. I would do it, but I live in Los Angeles now, and the men here are a completely different species to what I'm used to.

However, the article tries to cheer us Irish ladies up by reassuring us that at least we are actually having sex. Apparently more than forty percent of women in Ireland are “attempting to have sex at least three times a week.” Now, while this is all very encouraging, I can't help but feel that the use of the word “attempt” in this context is worrying. Someone is doing something wrong, clearly.

The luck of the Irish? Yeah right.

The luck of the Irish? Yeah right.

“It is great to see that the majority of women are satisfied between the sheets, or outside, as our … sex survey reveals,” said Farrah Storr, the magazine's editor.

That's all very well, but I'm still a little concerned about the lack of satisfactory sex in Ireland. I won't be returning, if that's the case.

LA Weekly