Hide your babes — and their strollers, and your wallets in their strollers — because two unlikely thieves in downtown Los Angeles were spotted, via surveillance footage, fishing around in such intimate places for a lot more than diaper money around 12:30 p.m. on June 4.

Police just posted the video to the LAPD TV feed (host to such gems as “The Naked Man Who Fondles Himself at Centro De Alegria Day Care on Sundays” and that one about the hoodlums who walked into a Rolex shop), and it's a good hard lesson in not leaving one's baggage unattended at a swap meet.

Especially as two plump, nervous-looking “shoppers” hover nearby:

Have patience, and you'll make it to the money shot at 2:35, when the bandit in pink quits her unconvincing rifle through the bead bin and finally goes in for the grab, ripping off some poor infant before he's even had the chance to graduate to mommy leash.

Best of all, though, are the police captions that flash between scenes, undoubtedly scribed by some self-amused intern. The winner, at 2:50: “Note, Father had secure fanny pack on his waist… Much safer way to shop.” Also much safer way to ensure you look like a complete D-bag. But hey, such is the law of helmets. And in the end, sporting a fanny pack is probably less douchey than leaving your child unattended at a swap meet and getting ripped off by a couple of fat ladies on their lunch break.

And you could be next! LAPD Lieutenant Vernon tells CBS2: “We've identified a trend in these kind of thefts over the last several months, and we want shoppers to be more aware.” In the meantime, call Detective Mike Mazzacano at (213) 972-1231 if you recognize these evildoers.


LA Weekly