What a Strip Club Isn't:
First, a strip club is a place to watch live naked girls disrobe; it is NOT a place to pick up girls or get laid, nor is it a great place to masturbate or take a first date. The girls are there to make money – period – so if one can convince you she'll put out to part you with copious amounts of cash, she'll put in an Oscar-worthy performance to do so.

Preparation and Cost
Though many, if not most, clubs don't require a dress code, show some class and put on your nice threads. Expect to spend an average of $30-$40 per hour while you're there for drinks and tips, with extra allowance for lap dances if you find a performer you particularly enjoy.

Due to a myriad of local ordinances aimed at preventing prostitution, clubs have a “touch and go” policy, meaning you touch a girl, you go. Always keep your hands to yourself and let the dancer decide how far to take things. If she wants to let you touch her assets, she'll move your hands appropriately.

Drinking and Nudity
The laws in L.A. dictate that no alcohol may be served when any nudity is involved, meaning overpriced soda, coffee, bottled water and energy drinks only. Bikini bars, where the girls strip suggestively only to their undergarments or lingerie, have no such restrictions.

If you sit at the stage during dances, you are expected to tip, whether or not you like the girl, her dance, or her outfit. Keep plenty of dollar bills handy and show your preferences by tipping a couple of extra bills to girls whose performances or looks you like best. If you decide to get a lap dance, expect to pay about $15-$20 per song (maybe two).

Helpful Hints
•    If you're going with a large group, call ahead to let them know you're coming and ask if they'll waive any cover charges. Most clubs are very accommodating and will at the very least provide a good discount.
•    Unless you've been together a while and/or you're positive your date is not a prude, don't take a date to a strip club. You will not be treated better for having a girl with you, and your fantasy of a lesbian tryst after-hours will not materialize.
•    Unless you fly to Vegas during a busy convention, you will not be treated to a club full of Playboy bunnies and supermodels at most strip clubs. More likely, there will be a couple of stunners, some attractive yet pudgy performers, and a couple of overweight, yet game gals. Show respect to all of them.
•    Don't be afraid to speak up. The girls are there for your money – never forget that. Therefore, it's up to you how you wish to be parted with your currency. If a girl is putting the hard press, politely tell her “Maybe later,” and have her move on.
•    Finally, if you have a great story, share it, then ask for one in return. Strippers have the greatest stories and you'll be rewarded for asking.

Image courtesy of Salvatore Vuono.

LA Weekly