Citing complicated language and multiple conflicting clauses, Los Angeles resident Bruce Reese failed to determine whether or not it was legal to park in the “primo” spot he found on Orange Drive just north of Wilshire Boulevard.
The spot in question had five signs above it, each one with various times, arrows and permit restrictions, making it tough to decipher for even the most expert parker. “It's like a beautiful oasis in a sea of occupied spots,” Reese said. “It's even shaded! I just can't figure out those goddamned signs.”
Signage wasn't the only problem Reese encountered. “The curb looks like it used to be red, but now it's sorta gray,” he said. “It's that in-between color, ya know? Probably because of skateboarders. You think I'd be able to fight the ticket?”
Reese carefully diagrammed the signs, attempting to figure out when it was legal to park in the space. The diagram quickly turned into a disjointed mess, like the paranoid journalings of a deranged serial killer. “Sure, there's also parking just a block or two north but … I don't wanna walk,” he said.
Jaime de la Vega, general manager of Los Angeles Department of Transportation, could not be reached for comment. When asked about de la Vega's availability, an LADOT staffer who preferred to remain anonymous said, “Honestly, I don't know how to decipher his multiple calendars. They all say different things.” He added, “I'm not sure if I'm even supposed to be in the office right now. I just try to keep my head down.”
As of press time, Reese had decided to just go home, saying, “I think my nephew will eventually understand why I missed his first birthday.”