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INT. SMOKY ROOM DEEP WITHIN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

The late 1990s. A group of shady white guys are sitting around a boardroom-type table. Framed gold and platinum records all around them.

JENKINS: Wait, let me see if I get this right–we're gonna rebrand Calvin as a kid-friendly pimp?

ROARK: Yup. I know it's never been done, but bear with me. People will love it.

BERNSTEIN: I don't know, man. We've worked really hard on this “Snoop Dogg” image for years. He's dangerous, possibly murderous…

JENKINS: Definitely gang-affiliated. What do you call those guys? The Crimps?

BERNSTEIN: Yeah, those blue guys with the bandanas. Anyways–I'm not sure about this whole kid-friendly thing. Are we going back to the Snoop Doggy Dog concept from 92? Kids love puppies…

ROARK: No. He's still Snoop Dogg. That “Snoop D. O. Double-G” catchphrase is gold.

JENKINS: So, what are we thinking about? Dolls? TV-specials and tie-ins about parenting?

BERNSTEIN: “Parent Hood.”

ROARK: Good one! Might be too soon for that though. Maybe in a couple of years.

JENKINS: Oh, “Parent.” “Hood”! I get it.

BERNSTEIN: How about BEANIES SHAPED LIKE CUPCAKES?

Everyone turns around.

ROARK: That's too much.

JENKINS: You've gone off the reservation.

ROARK: Yeah, I mean–I'm sure we can pull off this rebranding of a gangsta, whore-peddling rapper into a cuddly toy. But SNOOP DOGG-ENDORSED BEANIES SHAPED LIKE CUPCAKES?