“You can’t find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.”

—Carrie Fisher

FRIDAY, February 23

Ladies and gentlemen, the Second Annual 67th Annual Fake Awards! “Come see your favorite fake celebrities receive fake awards for the fake movies of 2006! All attendees will receive a fake gift bag worth the price of the bag.” It could only be the hilarious fakesters of the Fake Gallery behind this loving tribute to all things Oscar. Fake movie clips, fake movie theme songs and fake award winners, including Eddie Pepitone, Rick Overton, Drew Droege, Kate Flannery, Suzy Nakamura, Frank Conniff, Paul Kozlowski and many more, too numerous and fake to list, pretending to be Dakota Fanning, Geena Davis, Marlon Brando, Paul Giamatti, Jennifer Aniston, Jeremy Irons and tons more. The Fake Gallery, 4319 Melrose Ave., L.A.; Fri., Feb. 23, 9 p.m.; $10. (323) 661-0786.

Also fake: Dr. Maya Angelou threw a fit when she found out Penelope Cruz flew her entire family from Spain and booked every suite at the Four Seasons Beverly Hills. Not fake: The doctor gives a talk for the Music Center Speaker Series. Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, 135 N. Grand Ave., dwntwn.; Fri., Feb. 23, 8 p.m.; $50-$120. (213) 480-3232.

SATURDAY, February 24

You know the expression, “When in Rome . . .”? What do Romans say when they come to L.A.? If you replied, “They attend events like American Cinematheque’s Invisible Art, Visible Artists seminar with all of this year’s Oscar-nominated editors, art directors and set decorators,” you’d be ready for your extreme close-up. Egyptian Theater, 6712 Hollywood Blvd., Hlywd.; Sat., Feb. 24, 10 a.m. (editors); 2:30 p.m. (art directors and set decorators); free. (323) 466-FILM.

SUNDAY, February 25

Speaking of Rome and cliches and all that, today all roads lead to the Kodak Theater for the 79th Academy Awards. What? Your invitation was stolen by your butler? Oscar viewing parties for charitable causes take place at Union Station ($115; benefits the American GI Forum and the Wall Las Memorias Project HIV Education Program; 626-456-0314; bestdamntickets.net); Orchid Restaurant and Cafe ($25, $40 VIP; benefits Lodestone Theater Ensemble; 323-993-7245); Spider Club ($15; benefits leukemia and lymphoma research; www.brownpapertickets.com/event/10835) and The Abbey ($300; benefits APLA; www.apla.org).

MONDAY, February 26

Laraine Newman never won an Oscar, or an Emmy for that matter, but she did get her start as a member of the Groundlings, as did Chris Kattan, Will Forte, Cheryl Hines, Phil LaMarr, and Michael Hitchcock and Fred Irving, none of whom have ever even been nominated for an Oscar. Newman, and all the others mentioned (except Fred Irving, I made him up — even though he doesn’t exist, he has come as close as any other Groundling alum to winning an Oscar), will take part in The Groundlings Lecture Series, sharing their experiences of the importance of comedy and (maybe) how comic actors will never get the appreciation of that stupid Academy. This week: Newman and Forte. The Groundlings Theater, 7307 Melrose Ave., L.A.; Mon., Feb. 26, 8 p.m.; $50. (323) 934-4747, Ext. 37.

TUESDAY, February 27

The other awards show this week may not have a Brangelina association or even a red carpet, but the Bravo Awards arguably have more effect on our future. The Bravos award achievement in arts education in Los Angeles. None of you are probably going to actually go to this gala affair, presented by Garry Marshall, but isn’t it nice knowing that the people who teach our kids are doing such an outstanding job? The Millennium Biltmore, S. Grand Ave., dwntwn.; Tues., Feb. 27, 6-9:30 p.m.; $65. (213) 972-7211.

WEDNESDAY, February 28

Coolest Thing of the Week, Possibly Ever: Channel 101: The Unavoidable Future of Entertainment is a new monthly screening series of five-minute TV shows where you play network executive (please don’t be the asshole kind). Audiences eliminate shows, then return to see new episodes (call them “eps”) the following month. Somehow, Jack Black is involved. Cinespace Cinema & Lounge, 6356 Hollywood Blvd., Hlywd.; Wed., Feb, 28, 7:30 & 9:30 p.m.; free. (323) 817-FILM.

?THURSDAY, March 1

Now that Oscar hoo-ha has died down, we can get back to more important matters: TV. The Museum of Television & Radio’s William S. Paley Television Festival starts today.Along with fave episodes, the casts and producers of Nip/Tuck, The Office, American Idol, Ugly Betty, The Closer and Dexter, among others, will allow you to bow down before them. There will also be a tribute to The Simpsons, which includes a sneak preview of the much-anticipated Simpsons movie. All events at the Directors Guild of America, DGA Theater, 7920 Sunset Blvd., Hlywd.; March 1-15; $30-$60. (866) 468-3399. For complete schedule, call (310) 786-1010.

Before we sign off: It’s worth mentioning that Book Soup has been forced to cut back its hours due to lost business because of the closing of Tower Records on Sunset Boulevard. Whatever happens to that Strip spot, let’s all keep going to Book Soup! The good news: plenty of parking across the street!

LA Weekly