We don't even want to rank the Housewives this week. We really don't. They should be punished for perpetuating the stereotype that when women are alone together, all they do is make out, sniff panties and moon each other. What, ladies, no naked pillow fights? Thanks for ruining everything. But alas, Pecking Order duty calls.
1. Camille Grammer (Last week: 9)
Not only is she still around despite not really being an actual Housewife anymore, she couldn't be more perfectly situated. She's in feuds with virtually no one, she has a hot new man everyone's dying to know about, and she parties with the cool girls while managing not to pull any Joe Francis-esque shenanigans she'd regret in the morning. She has all the Housewife fun with none of the obligations. Sure, she probably misses the paycheck a little, but hey, she divorced Kelsey Grammer with no prenup. She's fine.
2. Kyle Richards (Last week: 6)
Kyle uttered the one thing we've been dying for someone to say all season: “Yolanda, darling, no one is listening to you.”
3. Brandi Glanville (Last week: 7)
Like it or not, Brandi was the center of attention this week, due in no small part to Shut-the-fuck-up-gate. Uttering this phrase to Adrienne Maloof (which, albeit, was not very nice) caused a moral crisis among the women. Just when is it OK to say “shut the fuck up?” Is it acceptable other places than the dinner table? If Lisa said it, would that be OK? It's a conversation that went on for what seemed like days. Actually, it was days. We haven't heard that many “shut the fuck ups” since the reunion.
4. Kim Richards (Last week: 1)
Kim has somehow sucked the entirety of Team RHOBH into her quirky world of loopiness. Did you see these girls in the mud bath room? What planet were they on? It seems strange until you remember Kim is their new spiritual leader. Perhaps they've drunk the Kool-Aid.
5. Lisa Vanderpump (Last week: 4)
Lisa played the role of peacekeeper, sort of, between Brandi and the rest of the gang, which is great. But she made some really questionable footwear choices, plus she drove that golf cart like Miss Daisy, so she's hovering around a C+.
6. Yolanda Foster (Last week: 2)
Ewwww! She's shooting the cells of baby lamb fetuses into her spine! But worse than that, she's a killjoy. Who wants to go to bed early while on vacation so they can get up a 6 a.m. and run? We're really beginning to wonder if this is going to work. Perhaps Yolanda is the next Dana Wilkey — one season and done.
7. Taylor Armstrong (Last week: 8)
Taylor was the biggest offender when it came to late night shenanigans. We saw her ass mid-cartwheel, OK? That doesn't exactly scream “power player.”
8. Adrienne Maloof (Last week: 3)
Adrienne got talked down by Brandi and announced her book deal so pathetically that no one even toasted it. Total flat tire this week. Sorry, Adrienne.