There's nothing like planning a seance to remind you of how much you look like death, so naturally, before the Bev Hills housewives could gather at Kyle's to speak to their deceased loved ones, they attended Dr. Paul Nassif's “Night of Beauty” for a little quick-filler 'bo n' go.'
Yet sadly, the numbing cream liberally applied to their soon-to-be-pulled-tight faces could not anesthetize the tension that's been brewing among some of them for weeks.
Lisa and Taylor have been playing nice in public, but neither has been particularly kind under the glare of interview lights. In earlier episodes, Lisa reached out…kind of…to Taylor in her time of need (“I'm not your friend, and you're way too skinny, but pack up your 5-year-old and come chill at my crib! I'm here for you!”) but Taylor wasn't buying her frenemy's feigned empathy.
In fact, Taylor and husband Russell (R.I.P.) believe Lisa fed a story to US Weekly that the pair is getting divorced. Russell's response? Sue the fuck out of them! Or, send a polite email reassuring Lisa that you and the lovely wife are happy as pie. You know, one of the two.
Said email arrived in Lisa's inbox during the botox party, causing her to confront Taylor on why the hubs was sending such a note. Taylor, who's “found her voice” this year, promptly ran away.
That meant it was Kim's turn in the injectables hot seat, and while Paul battered her up, she and Kyle snipped at each other — Kim once again reminding little sister Kyle that she's not her mother.
Irked, Kyle left, leaving Kim and Paul to have some alone time. Clearly disguising concern as routine questions, Paul asked Kim what medication she's on, and finally we got some answers as to why Kim seems like she's halfway down a bottle of Jack all the time. Kim's on a combination of Trazodone, Lexapro and Topamax — two depression meds and an anti-seizure pill that Dr. Paul says can cause the slurred speech and general out-of-it-ness that Kim's been demonstrating. So it's NOT crystal meth. Great. Jury's still out on what kind of hallucinogen she's taking that makes her find that boyfriend of hers attractive, though. Shudder.
Kim couldn't make it to Kyle's seance the next night, however, because such things are “against her religion.” Considering we've seen Kim visit a psychic before, that makes no sense whatsoever, but now we can chock all her loopiness up to her prescription cocktail, so it doesn't matter.
The rest of the gang showed up, though, ready to get their channel on. In what looked uncomfortably close to a Wiccan circle, the ladies sat around a candlelit table while Kyle's psychic, Rebecca, played messenger to the dead.
Parents and grandparents from the great beyond came forward in droves to tell their loved ones how proud they are to see them catfighting and backstabbing on national television.
Ok not really. But Adrienne got a hello from her father, and Camille's grandparents let her know there'd soon be a new man in her life who “swings in the right direction.” (Oh Kelsey Grammer and your cross-dressing ways.) Kyle's mom told her she was once Kim's mother in another life, which frankly explains a lot, and Lisa's grandmother scolded Allison DuBois for not letting her through during last year's dinner party from hell.
Feeling put in her place, we guess, Kyle ventured all the way out to Westlake Village the next day to relay their mother's message to Kim, as well as to finally get word on where the hell her sister was planning to pack up and move to. The answer — in with boyfriend Ken — brought Kyle to tears. Frankly, if our sister were sleeping next to that ugly mug, we'd cry too.
Next week the battle between Lisa and Taylor comes to a head, and not surprisingly, the rest of the crew gets involved. It looks like Camille lets the abuse cat out of the bag, and like the proverbial toothpaste, there's no going back in. Stay tuned.