We here at L.A. Weekly like to think that we cater to people with all kinds of genders. You know, people with the male kind and people with the female kind. Hell, I hope we even appeal to all the various shades of in-between kinds. But apparently we don't cater to men, or more specifically I don't. Which came as a total shock, I must admit.

A letter to the editor came to us late last week, asking, “By the way, does your new food critic ever do any restaurants that may appeal to men?”


Because the reader didn't elaborate, we will have to make a few assumptions. First, because he asked the question, we must assume that he thinks that, thus far, I have not written about any restaurants that may appeal to men. Which, I have to say, will probably come as a shocking blow to all the chefs and restaurateurs who have inadvertently FAILED to appeal to half of the population of the Earth! Someone ought to hurry up and tell Michael Voltaggio and Govind Armstrong and Wolfgang Puck that the food they're cooking simply doesn't appeal to people with boy parts. I mean, that's a marketing problem, right there. Also, the entire noodle-house industry should be warned. Ramen Hayetemaru? Not for men. Ramen is obviously lady food.

OK, OK, maybe I'm taking this a tad too far. Perhaps there is some basis for this guy's question. While discussing the letter with some professional women, one told me that she picks different restaurants when meeting male colleagues or business contacts than she would for meeting women. (Something about places with bigger, comfier chairs.) And I just read an article about how “breastaurants” are doing great despite the failing economy — I sure as hell don't want to go to a breastaurant, although that has more to do with the fact that they serve crappy corporate food than because they serve it with a side of cleavage. But maybe that's the point? Dudes don't care that the food sucks when cleavage is involved?

I'm not assuming our letter writer was suggesting I take up reviewing Hooters or the beer-nuts at the local booby-bar. I'm assuming he meant steakhouses, or something along those lines. I'm also assuming our letter writer sent his letter before last week's Summer Restaurant Issue, because surely he couldn't be suggesting that pizza isn't man food. Oh, and next week? I'll be talking about burgers. Don't fret, males! I've got you covered!

Now if I can just determine how to cater to the transgendered community, I'll have everyone covered. Sigh. I'm just not sure my pretty little head can figure it out.

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