Jon Stojan
Image credit: Bella Williams
“Oh my God, see how he just gazed at you. He hates you. Oh my God, he didn’t even hold your hand; he is surely cheating.” Sharing an insight of her intrusive thoughts, Bella Williams exposes her soul in her moving manuscript, No One’s Trash, showing how such thoughts never begin with a simple “what if?” they arise as rooted fears and doubts of oneself.
William’s intrusive thoughts plagued her and made her doubt herself constantly. She asked herself if she had left her partner feeling unfulfilled, if she had been unable to deliver when it mattered most. And if she had already let herself down, what was the use of even trying now? This self-doubt created a vicious circle, refusing her mind any respite. The writer openly chronicles her internal conflicts, even going so far as to say that she may be having psychiatric distress. Although in actuality, she is fighting against the breakdown of the mind that occurs after the loss of a deeply loved relationship.
During this period, she learns a true fact: her intrusive thoughts are not merely random; they are precipitated by her own insecurities and by a misguided mechanism of dealing with an emotionally traumatic event.
Looking back, Bella recognizes that her mode of survival was anything but the best. Being alone, at one point a welcome retreat, turned out to be a dreadful isolation. As time passed, she became trapped in constant thoughts of the events that made up their former life. The manner in which things had started, the days turning into weeks, the weeks turning into months, the months turning into years of togetherness. She looks back at how close they had become, how unmistakable their passion was, and how all of a sudden, it ended.
Greater than the loss itself was the way that it occurred. The one who had been her ultimate source of comfort now regarded her with nothing but rage and contempt. She struggles with the question: How do you become cold so quickly? How do you go from loving someone so desperately to vanishing from their life completely?
In an exercise in unadulterated self-knowledge, Bella even accepts her own shortcomings, referring to herself as “the monster.” She admits that perhaps she will never be able to take off her wedding ring or permit herself to be with another man. She dares the other person to be stronger, to demonstrate their strength in the face of their mutual past. Ultimately, she attempts to come to terms with the brutal truth that her previous partner had just hit their emotional ceiling and couldn’t remain any longer.
For anyone who has ever experienced the bite of loneliness, the pressure of abandonment, or the ache of devaluation, No One’s Trash presents a strong and accessible story. You can buy a copy of this literary phenomenon from the site or on Amazon. It’s waiting for your undivided attention, set to draw you into its richly personal and intellectually stimulating environment.
Website: https://thebellawilliams.com/