Ranter: Tuneful Young Man and his Sleepy-Eyed Girlfriend, both in their mid to late teens
Location: 302 bus headed west from Sunset & Gower
Time: 5 p.m. on a Thursday in late January
Topics covered: The value and difficulty of making long-term relationships work; the primacy of self; why singers no longer have to be able to sing; the relationship between hit songs and the popular vernacular; Facebook; rug shopping
Does rant include advice on whom you should not fuck with? No
Tuneful Young Man: I was this close to giving it up. Now I'm determined this will be the one. It's hard when you're together a while. Nobody else was sticking to it like us, and now they're all emulating. I'm the innovator of that shit.
I saw this status that said, 'I agree with myself.' That's what I'm like all the time. I don't even need to say it, it's just there.
[Sings “I agree with myself” to the tune of “You Are So Beautiful.”]
I can sing that shit.
Sleepy-Eyed Girlfriend: You can't sing.
Tuneful Young Man: I'll Auto-Tune the shit out of it. That's what everybody else does. That's how a hit starts. People start saying some stupid-ass shit, and someone Auto-Tunes it.
[Sings, “People start saying some stupid-ass shit” to the tune of “You Are So Beautiful.”]
I fucking hate Facebook. I'm on it all goddamn day. I hate that shit.
[Sings, “I fucking hate Facebook.”]
Those are hits, there! I can make anything a hit! What are you thinking about? I bet I can sing it.
Sleepy-Eyed Girlfriend: Remember when we went to the store that had that rug that looks like grass? That's the rug we should get.
Tuneful Young Man: [Sings, “That's the rug we should get when we move in.”]
[She doesn't respond. They pass some seconds in silence.]
Tuneful Young Man: When you finally going to tell your mom?
[No answer. Looking annoyed, Tuneful Young Man sings no more.]