Ranter: Tuneful Young Man and his Sleepy-Eyed Girlfriend, both in their mid to late teens

Location: 302 bus headed west from Sunset & Gower

Time: 5 p.m. on a Thursday in late January

Topics covered: The value and difficulty of making long-term relationships work; the primacy of self; why singers no longer have to be able to sing; the relationship between hit songs and the popular vernacular; Facebook; rug shopping

Does rant include advice on whom you should not fuck with? No

The Rant:

Tuneful Young Man: I was this close to giving it up. Now I'm determined this will be the one. It's hard when you're together a while. Nobody else was sticking to it like us, and now they're all emulating. I'm the innovator of that shit.

I saw this status that said, 'I agree with myself.' That's what I'm like all the time. I don't even need to say it, it's just there.

[Sings “I agree with myself” to the tune of “You Are So Beautiful.”]

I can sing that shit.

Sleepy-Eyed Girlfriend: You can't sing.

Tuneful Young Man: I'll Auto-Tune the shit out of it. That's what everybody else does. That's how a hit starts. People start saying some stupid-ass shit, and someone Auto-Tunes it.

[Sings, “People start saying some stupid-ass shit” to the tune of “You Are So Beautiful.”]

I fucking hate Facebook. I'm on it all goddamn day. I hate that shit.

[Sings, “I fucking hate Facebook.”]

Those are hits, there! I can make anything a hit! What are you thinking about? I bet I can sing it.

Sleepy-Eyed Girlfriend: Remember when we went to the store that had that rug that looks like grass? That's the rug we should get.

Tuneful Young Man: [Sings, “That's the rug we should get when we move in.”]

[She doesn't respond. They pass some seconds in silence.]

Tuneful Young Man: When you finally going to tell your mom?

[No answer. Looking annoyed, Tuneful Young Man sings no more.]

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