In its ongoing coverage of the R. Kelly trial currently under way in Chicago, the Chicago Sun-Times has been diligently reporting the details of the proceedings. A funny thing struck us while reading the coverage (via The Daily Swarm). We think maybe the writer of this piece, Eric Herman, deliberately wrote in Trapped in the Closet-style prose, with quick, sing-song rhythm that, when matched with the music to R. Kelly's surrealistic masterpiece long-form video/R&B opera, suggests maybe a new episode in the 22-part series.
Want proof? Here is a YouTube clip of the first five installments. Watch enough of the video to get the music bed and Kelly's phrasing style stuck in your head, then read the following excerpt from Herman's piece (with our punctuation adjustments, melismatic spelling adjustments and Kelly-esque “oh shit” asides added), which features a cross-examination of former Kelly collaborator Stephanie “Sparkle” Edwards by Ed Genson, lawyer for R. Kelly. Sparkle's underage relative is depicted in the sex tape that's at the center of the trial.
Do you remember going to that church and praying for things like seduction and adultery!?” Genson asked her.
Genson then got Edwards to talk about her break with Kelly. She had wanted to work with other artists, “but that didn't go over well,” she said.
“I asked to be released!” she added, and then went to make a record for Motown. Edwards made that one record and has not made any since, she said (oh shit).
In spite of the end of their professional relationship, “He was my homeboy! We were still cool!” Edwards said.
“You weren't angry you'd been terminated!?” Genson asked, suggesting Sparkle was after more money (oh shit).
“More money!? I hadn't gotten any money (oh shit). I haven't gotten any royalties yet!” she said.
After breaking with Kelly, (oh shit) Edwards talked about doing a deal with Barry Hankerson, a record producer who also had a record label, Blackground.
“Was part of the deal you were talking about doing something bad to Robert!?” Genson asked.
“No!” Edwards said.
But Sparkle admitted she was the one who got her young relative to start calling Kelly “Godfather” (Oh shit).