She was just trying to bury her grandfather

It was already not going to be a good day for Samantha Lacey. Burying a beloved grandparent is never a jolly occasion, but the last thing she needed that day was for the undertaker at her grandfather’s funeral to be hitting on her. While it may seem like common sense not to try and get a date out of a man’s adult grandchild while she’s openly grieving—especially if you’re the one literally putting her Papa in the ground—OnlyFans models like Samantha experience these kinds of occurrences with alarming regularity. It isn’t just “funny,” nor is it an “awkward dating story”—it’s actually a symptom of a much larger problem. When you’re an OnlyFans model, especially one who is relatively successful, dating comes with unique challenges that many other people don’t face. The content creators who show up on OnlyFans frequently report being treated as objects of desire rather than the unique individuals deserving of respect that they are.

Society loves consuming the work that sex workers perform but then shames them for their profession. OnlyFans models are no different. Many of them are indeed sex workers who show up every day to fulfill a high demand for their services, yet when they’re offline, they’re treated as second-class citizens because of the way they earn money. Frequently, women are the sex workers on the receiving end of this treatment, though men in the industry have reported similar problems. When it comes to the reality of actually dating and being in a committed relationship with an OnlyFans model, many people aren’t up for it—they just want the fantasy. A common assumption is that the OnlyFans model they’re pursuing a relationship with is “up for anything” or open to sex 24/7, which can lead to romantic—or sexual—advances at the worst times, similar to what happened to Samantha Lacey when the undertaker at her grandfather’s funeral tried to hit on her. Real-life relationships require real-life boundaries and respect, something that many OnlyFans models struggle to find offline, where there’s no “block” button to hide the bad actors.

Women who create content on OnlyFans and struggle in the dating scene have reported the following problems when trying to pursue a committed relationship:

  • Being fetishized by men who have “always wanted to date a porn star.”
  • People assuming they’re not actually relationship material because of the intimate nature of what they post online for work.
  • Partners frequently feeling insecure about the relationship due to the OnlyFans model’s attractiveness and desirability to others.

These issues not only cause unhealthy strain on relationships, but they also negatively impact the mental health of the content creator. Constantly being judged for the work they do or reduced to a job title by the person they’re trying to build a life with is demeaning at best and dehumanizing at worst.

OnlyFans models have personal lives, emotions, and a need for healthy boundaries just like anyone else in the world; they just happen to make a living selling digital access to themselves. Many of them are more business-savvy than a large portion of business school graduates, they’re financially independent (thanks to their business acumen), and they’re more than capable of meaningful romantic relationships. They need potential partners to separate the fantasy presented online from the real person in front of them. Dating an OnlyFans model is like dating anyone else—because they are a person—and in all relationships, respect is key.

What happened to Samantha at her grandfather’s funeral isn’t an isolated incident. If you wouldn’t normally hit on someone at a wake or a funeral, why do you think it’s okay to do so to an OnlyFans model? Sex workers are more than the work they do, just as Hollywood actors are more than the last character they played—people in both professions are real people, not just entertainers. They deserve to be treated as such.