More Titles for the Die Hard Franchise

You won’t be able to tellYou won’t be able to tell, superficially, that Bruce Willis has aged -- his level of baldness has remained unchanged since the mid-'90s -- but there are some signs of wear and tear on the newest iteration of the long-running Die Hard series, in which Willis stars as detective John McClane. While 1988’s Die Hard and 1990’s Die Hard 2: Die Harder sported titles that were tight and a little angry--exactly how we want our action heroes--the series appears to have gotten a little bloated in its middle age. The most recent film, Die Hard number five (out February 14), is called A Good Day to Die Hard. What does that even mean? When exactly is anyone ready to be dead? In the spirit of snark, we present McClane’s most spectacular kills from the franchise so far, accompanied by new titles even worse than the killer A Good Day to Die Hard.

Pictured: John McClane sneering at the title of the newest Die Hard film.

With the resurrection of the Die Hard movie franchise (number five, A Good Day to Die Hard, is out Valentine's Day), inevitably comes reflection. Where did Bruce Willis' hair go? Why did the series stop numbering its films? And have the movies always had such ridiculous titles? The answer to the last one, certainly, is yes. Die Hard 2: Die Harder was plenty goofy, but A Good Day to Die Hard significantly raises the bar. And if there's anything Die Hard takes as seriously as its titles, it's killing people. In the spirit of absurdity, exhaustion, and a great longing for Willis' long-lost locks, we present you with bar-raising titles of our own, inspired by the most spectacular deaths of the series. By Diana Clarke.

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A Good Day to Die Hard, and to Die Alone by Keith Phipps.

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