10 Expressions From Board and Card Games That Sound
Vaguely Dirty:

His Nobs — Cribbage
Bearing Off — Backgammon
Muggins — Cribbage
Double Belly-Buster Straight — Poker
Crapette — Solitaire
Anaconda — Poker
Buck Euchre or Dirty Clubs — Euchre
Hungarian Tarokk — European Card Game
Teen Pathi — Indian Card Game

Zheng Shangyou — Chinese Card Game

—Jon Alain Guzik

Deadly Latin Things That May or May Not Exist in My

Clostridium tetani
Latrodectus mactans
Toxoplasma gondii
Borrelia burgdorferi
Galerina autumnalis
Spongiform encephalopathies
Clostridium botulinum
Bacillus anthracis
Canis latrans
Chlorophyllum molybdites

—Bill Smith

20 New Designer Dogs Involving Poodles, and a Few Other

Boxerdoodle — Boxer/Poodle
Cairnoodle — Cairn Terrier/Poodle
Cockapoo — Cocker Spaniel/Poodle
Doodleman Pinscher — Doberman/Standard Poodle
Eskapoo — American Eskimo Dog/Poodle
Labradoodle — Labrador Retriever/Poodle
Malti-Pom — Maltese/Pomeranian
Peek-A-Pom — Pekingese/Pomeranian
Pekepoo — Pekingese/Poodle
Pomchi — Pomeranian/Chihuahua
Pomapoo — Pomeranian/Poodle
Puggle — Pug/Beagle
Pugapoo — Pug/Poodle
Saint Berdoodle — Saint Bernard/Poodle
Shorkie — Yorkshire Terrier/Shih Tzu
Schnoodle — Schnauzer/Poodle
Scoodle — Scottish Terrier/Poodle
Shepadoodle — German Shepherd/Standard Poodle
Whoodles — Soft Coated Wheaton Terrier/Poodle
Yorktese — Yorkshire Terrier/Maltese

—Jon Alain Guzik

Glands of the Year 2005
1. Pituitary
2. Pineal
3. Prostate
4. Coccygeal
5. Adrenal
6. Sebaceous
7. Salivary
8. Cowper’s
9. Huguier’s
10. Titties

—Dave Shulman

10 Worst Comics in the L.A. Times

1. “Marmaduke”
2. “Mallard Fillmore”
3. “Cathy”
4. “Marmaduke”
5. “For Better or Worse”
6. “Frazz”
7. “Heathcliff”
8. “Dilbert”
9. “Candorville”
10. “Marmaduke”

—Isabel Gold (age 11)

10 Reasons To Switch From Christianity to Scientology
1. Secret handshake
2. Annual Thetan Jamboree in Trementina, New Mexico
3. Subterranean passages linking Beck’s house to every Starbucks in the city
4. No one feels it necessary to elect a new Hubbard after the old one’s died.
5. Free airplane rides
6. New members receive secret letter explaining Forest Whitaker’s masochistic
involvement in Battlefield Earth.
7. Faster Internet
8. Sonny Bono, Donny Osmond, Sonny Bono, Donny Osmond
9. Scientology’s climactic moment does not
involve destruction of the planet.
10. More Hollywood; fewer politicians

—Bill Smith

Promised Yourself You’d Finish But Didn’t
1. The Gormenghast Novels
2. Gravity’s Rainbow
3. The Macintosh Bible
4. The Oxford English Dictionary
5. The World of Pooh
6. Webster’s New World Encyclopedia
7. Finnegans Wake
8. The Internet
9. Flossing

—Dave Shulman

LA Weekly