Dear Meg (we hope you don't mind — Mrs. Whitman makes you sound like a little old lady who makes chocolates):

You need to look around at your campaign staff and fire someone (maybe two or three people, actually). You've spent $119 million of your own money your run for governor and Jerry Brown, who barely opened his mouth as a candidate before summer, knocked you out in the first 48 hours of real, mano-a-mano campaigning.

Watching you and your stiff, white-gloved-debutante persona get mauled by Brown's camp must be like watching Andy Dick step into the Octagon with Quinton “Rampage” Jackson. Bloody, but you can't seem to take your eyes off it.

When it comes to Wednesday's revelation that you employed an illegal immigrant housekeeper from 2000 to 2009 only to later campaign on a stance that employers should be held accountable for hiring undocumented workers, here's a question for you:

No one on your staff could have seen this coming? Really? 119$ mil worth of personnel and ad spending and not one person — not even the undocumented you've employed — said, Hola, Senora Whitman, tenemos problema? Realmente?

Okay, in June 2009, when you fired Nicky Diaz after she told you she was in the country illegally (and, she said, she asked for your help), did you consider the possibility that going public then was the thing to do? After all, you were running in a more-crowded primary and you had little chance of dominating a day's news in California like you did Wednesday. No?

You want the Latino vote, right? You should have kept her on the team — employed her as the one Latino at your campaign stops. She could have waved a sign that states, CEO Se Puede! All for less than a mil, we're sure.

But no, you had to push this thing to the back of your mind like it was some prom night dumpster baby. And where'd that get you?

Might we suggest you cut your losses now. After all, this was the equivalent of the first 30 seconds of the first round, and you're on your ass like Tito Ortiz trying to make a comeback.

If Brown truly had this as his first punch, can you imagine what other dirt he might have in his corner? Murder? Necrophilia? Bidding on stuff at eBay you never intended to buy?

Believe us when we say, just stay down and act like your dead — especially when your campaign advisers come looking for their last checks.

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