FRIDAY, October 19

The Dan Band has cornered the market on irony-dripping sappy women’s songs sung by a dude who looks like he’s on his break from Jiffy Lube. That guy would be Dan Finnerty. And by gum, you hipsters, not to mention every celebrity worth his ’70s Coors belt buckle, keep turning out for showstopping covers of “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” “I Am Woman” and “Hot Stuff.” I know, I know, you had the same idea, as did most of us. Here’s a concept act you can have, for free: an all-tambourine Yoko One tribute band. Run with it before Finnerty does. House of Blues, 8430 Sunset Blvd. W. Hlywd.; Fri., Oct. 19, 9 p.m.; $25 & $35. (323) 848-5100.

SATURDAY, October 20

As if the Dan Band weren’t proof enough, we have more evidence that everything we said was lame-o in the ’80s is now good after enough time has passed (and we forgot how awful it was): namely, the wholly egregious 1980 movie musical Xanadu. In case you never saw this cinematic disaster, think Olivia Newton-John as a muse, disco roller skates, and poor Gene Kelly looking absolutely mortified. If that sounds even remotely tolerable to you, you’ve probably already picked out your spangly outfit for this sing-along screening featuring a costume contest and live dancers. The Warner Grand Theatre, 478 W. Sixth St., San Pedro; Sat., Oct. 20, 8 p.m.; $15.

SUNDAY, October 21

Top 10 things you can do while participating in AIDS Walk L.A.: (1) Sing Christmas carols. (2) Do a silly Monty Python walk. (3) Drink vodka from your water bottle. (4) Play “Spot the Lesbian.” (5) Make faces at other people. (6) Hum every song from Oliver! (7) Whistle. (8) Recite every “You Might Be a Redneck if . . .” joke. (9) Pretend you’re a car and cut off other walkers. (10) Remember someone who’s gone. Opening ceremonies at West Hollywood Park, San Vicente Blvd., south of Santa Monica Blvd., W. Hlywd.; Sun., Oct. 21, 9 a.m. (213) 201-9255.

MONDAY, October 22

Be the first on your block to see the new film version of Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner. But read the book first, so you can spout off about how the filmmaker ruined it. Part of Stephen Farber’s “Reel Talk” series. Wadsworth Theatre, on the Veterans Administration grounds, Bldg. 226, 11301 Wilshire Blvd.; Mon., Oct. 22, 7 p.m.; $20. (310) 479-3003.

TUESDAY, October 23

Everyone’s a comedian. Seriously — everyone. The massive Los Angeles Comedy Festival — not to be confused with that other comedy festival touted last month — is well under way, with 17 nights of standup and sketch comedy from all over the greater U.S. That’s 40 different shows, 157 performers. Surely, there will be laughter (there fuggin’ better be). McCadden Theater, 1157 N. McCadden Place, Hlywd.; Oct. 18-Nov. 4, 8 & 9:30 p.m. nightly (except Halloween); $12. Five-show pass for $50, ?10-show pass $90; www­.­

WEDNESDAY, ?October 24

Who said, “I believe human beings are the dominant species because we are the only species on this planet that cannot readily lick ourselves. Imagine if we could lick ourselves? There would be no Metropolitan Opera house. No Brandenburg Gate. If we could lick ourselves, there would be no Internet.” If you said “Taylor Negron,” you are correct and may proceed to the corner of Vine and Fountain for Satellites, with Negron and violinist extraordinaire Lili Haydn. Recently at Un-Cabaret, Negron had the M Bar crowd spewing salad out their noses at his rant about men going out in public dressed as “giant Baby Hueys with big ugly bare toes.” Negron’s bewilderment at his fellow humans is delivered with almost Zen-like dismay. When a comic makes it look this easy, you know you’re in the hands of a true pro, yet at the same time, you’d want him at your dinner party. He also has wonderful elocution; his mother must be so proud. Negron brings Satellites — a “Nietzschean mix of comedy, music, storytelling” — from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. M Bar, 1253 Vine St., Hlywd.; Wed., Oct. 24, 8 p.m.; $10, plus food & drink min. (323) 856-0036.

THURSDAY, October 25

Carol Burnett. What can one say about the comedy legend? Here’s one thing: “Bluuuuuuuueeeeeee Shlipper.” Remember that one? Or how about “OH-EE-OH-EE-OH-EE-AW-EE-AW”? Does anybody do a better Tarzan yell? A discussion with Ms. Burnett precedes a screening of Kyra Thompson’s new American Masters documentary on Burnett’s life and work. Just don’t ask her to do that yell. Paley Center for Media, 465 N. Beverly Dr., Beverly Hills; Thurs., Oct. 25, 7 p.m.; $25.

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