Lady Gaga appeared on “Good Morning America” wearing a beige latex suit inspired by her (and fellow MAC Viva Glam face Cyndi Lauper's) quest to spread the word about safe sex and AIDS awareness.
Condoms, people. It's the easiest way to prevent STIs and unintended pregnancies (duh, we all know this) and should the Senate vote this week to rescind Title X – which would eliminate funding for Planned Parenthood to provide, among other things, sex education and affordable birth control – they'll end up being most Americans' go-to source for protection.
That is, if we use them.
Now I'm not going to sit here on my high horse (actually it's a stability ball chair I got for Christmas) and boast the awesomeness that is the latex condom. I don't know anyone who can say, “Damn I LOVE those condoms, can we use one every time?” We use them because we should, and have to if we want to avoid unsexy aftermath, but not because they feel great.
They make sex better by providing a peace of mind that heightens the after-sex glow. Life is exponentially easier (especially for us lady-folk) not living in fear of missing our next period, or if that razor burn is actually some kind of creepy rash. That alone should give us every reason to use a condom every time we fuck someone.
But we still don't.
According to The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, a 118-page report released by Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion, only one in three sexual acts performed by us promiscuous heathens (aka sex among the singletons) is condom-protected.
Not TOO terrible of a statistic…but of course you have to keep in mind that it ain't easy to admit not using condoms, especially when being asked by a professional research team. I surely don't want to admit the amount of unprotected random copulation I've encountered.
Part of the issue (aside from the desensitization some men face while wearing condoms) is the fumbly awkward act of ripping it open and hastily rolling it down the shaft anxiously awaiting the initial shove into the orifice of choice. (So fun making sex sound as unsexy as possible, isn't it?)
A newish company has released the Sensis condom that features two pull-tab “QuikStrips” on either side of the opening, presumably to make putting them on as easy as taking out the trash.
The strips are rolled into the sides of the condom and easily tossed away once it's rolled on, and they also make it nearly impossible (unless you're in a dark alley or in a huge rush) to accidentally put it on inside out. Even if you do and flip it over to put it on right, you've already contaminated the tip.
We'll see how these take off and if drawstring condoms make a difference. Sure, making time for the condom may make the boner shrink a bit and you'll likely interrupt the innate electric tingle you both feel as you start getting down.
But think of the years of herpes-free fooling around you'll have to come. And the empty uterus you'll celebrate as you buy another econo-size box of Tampax.
But most of all think of Lady Gaga. Don't make the hours of pasty application, hot gluing and lube-enhanced latex wriggling go to waste. If your own safety and well-being doesn't cut the mustard, at least do it for the sake of her poor assistants.