This is the third chapter in a (badly Photoshopped) series on the L.A. Redistricting Commission's gerrymandered new voting districts. Previously:

Eric Garcetti's District 13 Looks Like an Evil Squirrel

Bernard Parks' District 8 Looks Like a U.S. Army Tank

Tom LaBonge's District 4 Looks Like a Losing Matador

Sorry, Councilman Ed Reyes — but these new voting boundaries make you your district look an awful lot like a ridiculous poodle. And we don't mean the cute au-naturale kind. We're talking about an obnoxiously groomed, primped to the max…

… prissy pink Paris Hilton poodle.

Not that it's your fault. The real culprit here is City Councilman Jose Huizar. (Most infamous, previously, for losing track of a $1.5 million neighborhood cleanup fund and proposing a citywide ban of L.A.'s beloved marijuana dispensaries.)

If you compare the current shape of City District 1 (below, in fuscia) to its new state of poodledom (above), you'll see that Huizar's CD 14 to the immediate east has conceded the gang-ier bits of Eagle Rock and Highland Park to the new poofiness of CD 1's 'fro.



What does Huizar gain from the slimming of his northern hook? None other than Councilwoman Jan Perry's coveted downtown, a total cash cow for whoever leads it. (In the form of campaign donations/gifts from developers drooling for a central urban locale and a tax break.)

All the Huizar constituents who would be transfered to CD 1 under the proposed map are begging to stay in CD 14, reports the Boulevard Sentinel Daily:

Bob Aranaga, who some of you may recognize for his work on the Eagle Rock Neighborhood Council Land Use Committee only had one thing to say, and that was that Eagle Rock should remain in the 14th District of Jose Huizar so that the many projects he is working on, namely the Take Back the Boulevard Initiative, would continue under the supervision of Mr. Huizar. …

Cathy Milligan of Highland Park, a York Blvd. business owner, had a similar desire, the difference being that she thought the York Boulevard improvement effort, started under Jose Huizar, would best be served by continuing under his jurisdiction. …

Tina Gulotta Miller of Garvanza also expressed her desire for the Garvanza Area to remain in CD14.

But Huizar isn't returning the love. He's got his heart set on bigger, better things down south — and has been lobbying the commission to keep the map as is, much to the vitriol of Councilwoman Perry.

Huizar's camp might even be taking some sketchy political back-alleys to secure the gleaming downtown parcel. An email obtained by the Los Angeles Times saw one of Huizar's consultants (who have a history of sending evil political emails) promise some “downtowners” that a developer woud take them out to sushi if they argued in favor of the new map.

So, because Huizar has some real strongarmin' jerks on his side, and because no Eagle Rock sob story of “unified neighbors” could tear his heart from the real-estate possibilities downtown, we predict that the poodle — unlike the matador — will probably come out of this process as intact (and Paris Hilton-approved) as ever.

[@simone_electra / / @LAWeeklyNews]

LA Weekly