You sexy motherf – – -.

Take a bow. As we enjoy Valentine's Day Eve (VDE!), consider that L.A. officially ranks as one of America's top five “Sexiest Cities” for 2014, according to travel website Orbitz.

The big question is, why aren't we No. 1?
L.A. was beat out by victor Las Vegas, No. 2 Miami, No. 3 New York and No. 4 San Francisco.

Give us a break. First of all, Vegas is practically a suburb of Los Angeles. (In fact, the L.A. County line once extended all the way to the Nevada border. True story.) All the sexy people you see on the Vegas Strip? They're from here. 

Miami? Sexy, true. But also dripping with douchebags. Yell “Paolo” in a crowded club and get trampled by skinny Euro boys.

New York? Yes, the Big Apple is sexy. But consider all the layers of clothing you have to peel off to get to the sexy in wintertime. It's just not worth it.

San Francisco? Please. We'll admit, the Bay Area has some sexy gay people. Hard to argue that point. But the nerds of Silicon Valley who have gentrified the city have also pushed sexy back.

Credit: Orbitz

Credit: Orbitz

Orbitz says it surveyed 750 American travelers 18 and older Jan. 31 through Feb. 5. about their top destinations for a romantic “travel getaway.”

The site claims, “A couple's getaway ranks as the No. 1 gift this Valentine's Day.”

Vegas has taken the top spot two years in a row. Good luck hitting the beach there when the temps hit the 80s like they are in L.A. this week, though.

That's amore.

Send feedback and tips to the author. Follow Dennis Romero on Twitter at @dennisjromero. Follow LA Weekly News on Twitter at @laweeklynews.

Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting LA Weekly and our advertisers.