On this very special day, we at West Coast Sound want to wish Ice Cube a wonderful birthday.
We hope that this morning you woke up and thanked God, and that the day felt kinda odd, perhaps because there was no barking from the dog, and there was no smog. We hope that right now your momma is cooking you breakfast with no hog, that you eat it but don't pig out. Soon, hopefully, you will get a call from a girl that you'd like to dig out, and that you hook up later.
As you ride down the street today, we hope that when you have to stop at a red light, there's not a jacker in sight, and that everything is all right. Hopefully on this, your 40th birthday, you get a beep from Kim, and she says she can fuck all night. Before that, though, we hope you call your homies and find out where they're playing basketball, that you hit the court and you're trouble, maybe even fuck around and get a triple-double like last week. We hope you freak niggaz every way like M.J. We hope it's a good day.
We hope that when you get to your pad and hit the showers, you don't get any static from the cowards who tried to blast you yesterday. On your birthday, here's hoping that you see the police but that they don't even look in your direction as you roll through the intersection. If you go to Short Dog's house today, we hope that you can watch YO! MTV Raps, play some craps, and when you roll the dice today, you will get seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven, seven. You should get to pick up some cash flow on your birthday. When you play bones, we hope you're the one who yells, Domino. We hope no one you know gets killed in LA today. We want you to have a good birthday.
Here's hoping that today you pick up a girl you've been trying to do since twelve grade, that you have the blunt and she has the Chronic, that you feel the big fat fanny, pull out the jammy, kill the punanny and your d*ck runs deep, so deep, so deep that you put her ass to sleep.
Here's hoping, as well, that today you wake her up around one, and that she doesn't hesitate to call Ice Cube the top gun, that you drive her to the pad, coast, take another sip of the potion, hit the three-wheel motion. We hope you're glad everything worked out, that you drop her ass off and chirp out.
We wish with all our hearts that this special day, Cube, is like one of those fly dreams, and that you don't even see a berry flashing those high beams, that there isn't a helicopter looking for a murder. We hope that tonight at 2 a.m. you get a Fatburger, and see the lights of the Goodyear Blimp, and they read, 'Ice Cube's a pimp.'
We hope you get drunk as hell tonight, but that you don't throw up. We hope your pager is still blowing up. We hope that today you don't even have to use your AK.
In short, Ice Cube: We hope it's a good day.