How do you become a baller? Well, as Bill Shakespeare once said (and I'm paraphrasing here), “Some are born ballers, some achieve baller-ness, and some have baller-status thrust upon them.”
I wasn't born a baller, but Dutch EDM superstar Afrojack (who is 26, worth millions of dollars, and whose debut album Forget the World just dropped) was. So, after his publicist invited me to an event last week celebrating his new collection with Dutch clothier G-Star Raw – at their Rodeo Drive store nonetheless – I was handed the keys to the baller kingdom.
There was one piece from the line I just had to have – the Afrojack “A-crotch” black denim shorts. But unfortunately the event was canceled that night, and nobody told me! The publicist felt bad, and so she sent me an Uber for the rescheduled event the next night. It was crowded, and mostly a wash, but I did get a pair of the A-crotch!
I figured ballerness would rub off on me, so I wore the shorts continuously while living out my new baller lifestyle. Here's what that looked like:
My crotch in A-Crotch.
Catching up on a baller-ass episode Game of Thrones.
Even ballers gotta eat.
Ballers pass out on the couch after too much balling.
All true ballers gotta “drop the bass” at some point.
Now that I've walked a mile in Afrojack's jorts – ok, maybe a tiny fraction of a mile, considering I didn't leave my apartment – I know what it feels like to be a baller. But I think I'd just prefer to be me.
Thanks Afrojack. Thanks for everything.