The Onion, America's finest news source, celebrates its 25th birthday today. Congratulations! Founded in 1988 by two juniors at the University of Wisconsin in Madison — it being an article of faith that most genius things are created in dorm rooms — the satirical newspaper has spent the last quarter century making us laugh, something most newspapers don't do nearly enough, at least intentionally.
To celebrate this happy anniversary, we thought we'd unearth some of our favorite food stories from The Onion. Thumbing through back issues being a lot more fun than watching the news about Syria (“Syria Conflict Intensifies As Bears Enter War”) or the Rim fire (“Entire Nation Pitches In To Save Yosemite”). Turn the page for 9 of our favorites.
I don't know, I can think of some people who'd buy fennel jerky. Maybe it was the marketing campaign.
“Here's a fact: Food has been around forever. Food was there when Marco Polo brought back food from Asia. Food was there during the first Thanksgiving. If you think about it, eating food is the one thing humans have always done. It's what makes us who we are. Without food, could we really even call ourselves human? We'd probably be pretty tired and hungry, or dead.”
Sometimes all you need is a picture.
From the Onion's Weekender edition. Pretty self-explanatory.
“Michael Renfro, a 68-year-old retired CPA with an apple hovering in front of his face, announced Monday that he has filed a $15 million lawsuit against the estate of deceased Belgian artist René Magritte for unlawfully using his likeness in the 1964 painting The Son Of Man.”
“Today Now! talks with a diet book author who reveals that many things are surprisingly edible when you are driven mad by hunger.”
“Fast food giant Yum! Brands believes its new feedbags will make it even easier for Americans to constantly be eating.”
“Reached for comment, extremely anxious executives from every major fast food corporation expressed their terror to reporters that Value Meal may dissuade Americans from ever eating at their restaurants again.”
“'In the past several years, meat's use as a way to enhance the flavor of foods has increased exponentially,' said Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns. 'Ketchup is still number one, but at the rate people are putting meat on top of other meats and foods, it may very well surpass it by 2010.'”
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