Let’s talk about money! Or, let’s not. But we should, though. Because at some point, people — especially couples — have to! However, there’s a notion that when a woman wants to find out how much her partner makes, they’re dubbed as a gold digger — even more so when her partner makes more than her.

But should a woman be called a gold digger if she just wants financial security?

Is she a gold digger or is it just her need for financial stability?

In a survey by Life Happens, called “For Love and Money,” (January 2022), 66% of respondents said that saving money is sexy. Furthermore, 47% said that they find financial security to be attractive. Therefore, money is indeed important. However, these days, the term “gold digger” is loosely thrown around whenever a woman seeks a man who’s financially secure.

There may be actual gold diggers, a source for the stereotype, and a dark history behind this. Back then, women weren’t allowed to work. As a result, they had to rely on their partners or husbands to work and make money. Fortunately, society has changed since — but the stigma still prevails and patriarchy still exists.

In recent years, especially now that women are recognized to be capable of being independent — as well as sometimes being the breadwinners — women don’t exactly rely on their partners’ wealth so much anymore. But there’s still a need for financial security for most women.

Perhaps it’s the guarantee that both party’s futures are safeguarded, the peace of mind that the woman will have a fallback (should her future not go as planned), or the admiration for her partner’s passion for his enterprise, his goal-oriented mindset, or his intelligence — regardless of which one it is, there seems to be nothing wrong with seeking a partner who prefers to secure his finances and future.

Moreover, the term “gold digger” used to be an exclusive term for men or women who look for ultra-rich partners as an easy way to receive expensive gifts and large amounts of allowance. On the other hand, a woman who wants financial stability typically looks for a partner who makes enough money that can guarantee that both of them will be comfortable in the long run. They seek long-term stability — not depreciable luxuries.

Why is money talk so taboo?

There isn’t a clear reason why discussions about money are frowned upon. It’s perhaps a part of American culture why it’s rude to ask someone about how much they make, how much they paid for an item, or if they are in debt. In a OnePoll survey — that Questis commissioned — more than half of Americans find topics about finances to be taboo. As for the reason why, 81% said they don’t even know!

Not only that, in the Life Happens “For Love and Money” study, 74% of the surveyed individuals said that it took them eight months before they could discuss finances with their partners!

According to the CEO of Questis, John Tabb, “Being able to get on the same page with shared financial goals can make it easier to make the necessary changes that will help you reach those goals,” he added, “It can improve communication in other areas of the relationship too.”

One hypothesis by Dr. Alex Melkumian, founder of the Financial Psychology Center in Los Angeles (regarding the taboo surrounding the topic of finances), “The foundation of anyone’s understanding and relationship with money is based with their family of origin coupled with any financial literacy education they receive throughout their life,” he added, “It’s rare that in a romantic relationship both partners come to it with the same, or similar, money story.”

How do I know if she’s a gold digger?

It’s difficult to discredit the existence of gold diggers — both men and women can be gold diggers. However, liberally using the term should be left used by those who wish to label themselves as that. Additionally, there are relationships or arrangements that revolve around one partner’s wealth — websites like Seeking Arrangement and RichMeetsBeautiful are known for the “Sugar Daddy” and “Sugar Baby” types of arrangements.

When Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby arrangements are mutually agreed upon, this type of relationship is still typically a give-and-take kind. Some men will shower their partners with luxurious gifts, first-class travels, or expensive vacation trips.

In exchange, some of the partners will return the favor by being flaunted by their partner, sex (different from prostitution), or plain companionship. These types of arrangements shouldn’t be judged as, again, it’s a mutual agreement — the women in this situation were upfront with their needs; some women don’t even ask for expensive gifts — some need to pay off debts, college tuition, or rent.

Though if you feel as though your partner is using you for your money, your finances are still yours to spend on her or not — your money, your discretion. However, if you have a partner who seeks transparency when it comes to money, she may just want financial security — because nobody wants a partner who cannot secure their own future, let alone someone else’s.

Furthermore, ask yourself also if you’d rather have a partner who makes just as much as you — or more — or if you’d rather that she didn’t make any, at all! If you find her ambitious trait attractive, then that’s exactly the reason why some women seek financial security in their partners.


These days, the term “gold digger” is loosely used by people. However, sometimes, a woman who is labeled as a gold digger just wants financial security — they want to make sure that they will be taken care of (should situations not go as how they planned it to be), they want a partner who’s also ambitious as them, or they just respect their partner’s industrious mindset.

Nobody knows the exact reason why financial topics remain taboo — but transparency is still key to good communication that, more often than not, results in better and enduring relationships. That said, some people also communicate their arrangements — others do have a relationship that isn’t necessarily romantic but, rather, transactional. Still, that’s their agreement — and they should be left where they’re happy and not harming anyone.

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