Photos by Raul Vega
Perhaps you think you know all about the perils of Hollywood after
endless viewings of The Bad and the Beautiful, but in Girls Will Be Girls,
Evie (Jack Plotnick), Coco (Clinton Leupp) and Varla (Jeffery Roberson) show a side to Tinseltown that will blow the popcorn right out of your nose. The boozing, the backstabbing, the infomercial comeback, the naked (literally) ambition. Then there’s that wandering eye, Dr. Perfect, and don’t even ask if size matters. And, of course, there’s the fashion. These, er, girls, transcend red-carpet razzle-dazzle. Eat your heart out, Gwyneth Paltrow!
The three of you — Evie, Coco and Varla —jointly won the Best Actor Award at Outfest. Who has the award? Do you pass it around?
Coco: We were going to share the award, but Evie got the first shift, and now I’m afraid to touch it.
Varla: Between the movie and the award, I think
I’m the luckiest gal in Hollywood. And so does my acting coach.
Is there a sequel planned?
Evie: Sequels are for whores, so count me in!
Clothes are a waste of money. I just hem Varla’s things when she gets tired of them and wear those. And I can usually get a bedspread from the extra fabric, so there’s more savings.
Thoughts on your impending motherhood:
I’m looking forward to being a mother, because I think it will cheer me up in a way that Effexor just doesn’t, no matter how happy that bitch on the box looks. And if it doesn’t, then, they say, you pass depression on to your children, so at least the kid will be quiet.
God, because he made all of the other designers and everything they use to design with. But not child labor, the devil did that. I think God designs clothes and the devil makes them.
How do you keep your semi-stardom from going to your head?
A lot of people, once they become a spokesperson for a major kitchen item like I am, really become major ass-h’s, if you know what I
mean. But my mother taught me that everyone’s poop stinks, although avoiding red meat helps.
They’re all gay. The only actress who can get a free dress in this town is Tom Cruise.
What things should the aspiring starlet do to get noticed in Hollywood? What’s your preferred drink? What tips do you have to get guys? Your house is so memorable — the bicentennial room, need we say more — where do you get your interior-design inspiration?
You ask a lot of questions for someone who isn’t a lawyer for that family I mowed down. Let’s see. People think you can sleep your way to the top in Hollywood, but first you have to get in the door. I used to show up at their office and say someone sent them a stripper. That’s how I got in good with D.W. Griffith. I don’t really have a favorite cocktail — I just drink to be social, and keep from shaking. What else did you ask? I fell asleep at the wheel. I don’t even remember how I got the car off the freeway, let alone up two flights of stairs.
Evie’s dress (left) was designed by Bob Mackie and was originally made for Carol Burnett, who wore it on The Carol Burnett Show; dress (above) by Scala of Milan, Paris and L.A., “but I bought it off the rack at a store in L.A. for about $20.”
Both of Coco’s dresses were designed by Chris Newlander, although she claims that “The blue-ish green dress was given to me by a space alien, but because no one will believe me, I give Chris credit.”
Varla’s dress (left) is by Ramona Ponce; jump suit (above) by Philip Heckman.