Jon StojanRuth Kongaika describes herself as a freelance writer, an artist, a gardener, a loving grandma, and a passionate and creative parenting coach. With over 20 years of working experience, Ruth has enriched the lives of many clients, teaching families how to communicate and respect one another, especially in multi-generational dynamics. For her, that mission is personal, rooting back to her childhood days of emotional abandonment.
Image credit: Ruth Kongaika
Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents, Ruth struggled with a sense of belonging, always feeling misunderstood, unappreciated, and neglected. With her parents never attending any school performances or activities she participated in, her father working two jobs, and her mother projecting past traumas onto her parenting patterns, Ruth fell into the abyss of loneliness, with the crippling fear of abandonment bleeding into her adulthood.
“As a child, having someone who understands our feelings and helps us regulate emotions is one of the most basic needs. When you lack that emotional attunement as a kid, it’s incredibly difficult to thrive as an adult,” she shares. “If your childhood looks like that, toxic environments become the comfort zone, and everything positive seems abnormal.”
With that mindset, 18-year-old Ruth married her boyfriend of a few years, unconsciously succumbing to the ingrained patterns of her mind. The abusive relationship worsened her mental and physical state, inspiring Ruth to turn her life around. The pivotal moment happened when she met a kind, charismatic man from Polynesia – a region known for tight-knit communities, affection, closeness, and love.
It was this man from Tonga, who is now Ruth’s husband, who introduced her to the concept of emotional intelligence, a philosophy she now bases her life and coaching services on. After discovering the warm culture of the region – a stark contrast to what she grew up around – she moved to Polynesia for over 36 years, including 21 years spent in Hawaii, 13 years in Tonga, and two years in American Samoa.
“People in Polynesia love so freely and accept you the way you are. There, everyone welcomes you with hugs and kisses, immediately making you feel like part of the family. Since the first time I visited Tonga, everyone told me to call them aunties and uncles, quickly connecting with me on a deeper level,” she shares. “In Utah, my family would compare my achievements and talents to others. In Polynesia, I could just be myself. And I was loved for it.”
Last year, Ruth delved into the depths of emotional intelligence, exploring the nuances of this psychological realm. Every discovery led her to a moment of epiphany – a realization that culminated all her lessons, experiences, and suffering: emotional intelligence was the missing part she always needed. Now, as a healthy outlet for emotional release, Ruth enters the world of creativity, tapping into the power of writing, painting, or making jewelry.
The story of Ruth Kongaika is one of overcoming adversity, re-discovering one’s essence, and choosing kindness and happiness. To help others achieve a state of fulfillment and joy, Ruth offers comprehensive, targeted coaching services focused on instilling emotional intelligence into parenthood. To propel her efforts, she will also launch Heart Smart: Emotional Intelligence, a self-published book available on Amazon.
“Throughout my journey, I realized that emotional intelligence and resilience have to come from within, but the people we surround ourselves with have an immense impact,” she adds. “Living in Polynesia is what sparked my rise of self-confidence, helping me believe that I am worthy. And once you realize you’re the one in control of your life and your emotions, you will find ultimate peace and happiness.”
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