Saturday night Fergie threw a St. Patty's Day party at the Beverly Hills club Confidential. It was a celebration of the new partnership between Voli Light Vodka and the Don-A-Matrix (yes, we get it) fitness company, both of which Ferg's somehow involved in.
Though we rarely go to “The Club,” we're game for any heath and wellness company that hosts a party with an open bar shilling a drink created specifically for it. In this case it was “The Ferguson,” a blend of lemon vodka, soda water and 2002's favorite schnapps, Apple Pucker, which was surprisingly not bad. Seeing as we didn't get a chance to speak with the Duchess, we had some time on our hands; as someone who rarely hits “The Club,” here are our thoughts on it.
5. There will always be some one-off celebrity sighting.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills stars Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif were hanging out in the regular-folks' section of the club, Paul drinking a beer and Adrienne probably hiding a goblet of white wine somewhere. We should've realized anyone who lets Bravo film his colonoscopy would be happy to have his picture taken. Instead, we shot a little person dressed as a leprechaun.
4. Bartenders are hot, in a plastic way.
There were only male bartenders at the downstairs bars. In another surprising turn, they were all very nice to us even though we weren't wearing sequined mini-dresses (we didn't get the memo). They were all attractive, in a Ken doll way. We tipped well.
3. That Girl will always be in the bathroom with you.
She's drunk, loud and obnoxious from within her stall. This one was particularly amusing. Emerging, she brayed, “This is disgusting. I'm going to rent a room at the Beverly Hilton just to pee!” As she berated the bathroom attendant (what a shit job, literally) for the lack of toilet paper and was told it wasn't the attendant's fault, she suddenly backtracked and promised to leave a $25 tip. Uh-huh.
2. “Rack City” is universally enjoyed.
Of course the DJ had to play Fergie's songs, and in a club environment, they are pretty damn catchy. But as soon as he wrapped up a mini-set of her hits — “London Bridge,” “Imma Be,” “Fergalicious,” “My Humps” — he started spinning the stuff we all really wanted to hear, like E-40's “Function” and Tyga's “Rack City.” Have a few drinks and try to deny that song's appeal. That's what we thought.
1. “The Club,” in moderation, is a good time.
If we had to go to clubs, instead of concerts, four nights a week, we'd look like Lindsay Lohan. But once per season? Please put us on the list.