A dental hygienist from Beaverton, Oregon has discovered an amazing new treatment for genital herpes: rub $900,000 all over it.

The 49-year-old woman contracted the incurable venereal disease from a 69-year-old retired dentist she met on the dating website eHarmony.com. While local prosecutors didn't see enough evidence to press criminal charges against the lesioned lover, the woman sued him for assault in civil court and won her case this week, to the tune of six figures.

Before you start seriously searching out a new mate at STDHotties.com in the hopes of cashing in, you should know that this wasn't your typical one night stand. According to the plaintiff, she went on four dates with the virulent defendant before having sex with him. She states that he did put on a condom during their first (and only) lovemaking session, but pulled it off at the last second. Then, while cuddling and sharing post-coital sweet talk, he dropped the H-bomb. Talk about romantic!

The woman had her first genital herpes outbreak 11 days later. Since then, she states she has suffered numerous recurrences of the illness, gained thirty pounds and been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

Oregon doesn't have laws on the books that make spreading an STD a crime, but jurors agreed that the man's actions met the Oregon Civil Court's definition of assault.

When filling out your online dating profile, always remember to check off "none" under the STD Preferences tab.

When filling out your online dating profile, always remember to check off “none” under the STD Preferences tab.

“We all felt he should have told her — he had a responsibility to tell her,” a juror on the case told The Oregonian.

Of course, no sex related trial is complete without a defense attorney claiming “she

asked for it”. Mr. Herpes' defense attorney Shawn Lillegran had this to say regarding the plaintiff:

“Grow up. Come on. You're an adult. He's an adult. They had sex…The point is she is not some little innocent victim…Go for a million — that's plaintiff's message…God bless America. Go for it. Got some coffee to spill on me?”

Sure chief. Is it cool if we spill a hot cup of herpes on you while we're at it?

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