Meet the Armchair. We tried it.

TJ: Yeah, it was pretty fun.

Tatiana: What do you mean? We didn't even do it really. We tried, but…

TJ: No, it was good…once we got into it.

Tatiana: That wasn't even the right position. The armchair was bullshit.

TJ: What the hell were we doing?

Tatiana: Resorting to something that felt good?

Toby: Oh. Yeah. But we'd try the armchair for a good 5-10 seconds. In the article, it says this position requires a lot of strength from the 'receiver.'

Tatiana: Which one's the receiver?

TJ: I think you were the one receiving. I guess it depends on what was being received. Maybe do some P90X in preparation.

Tatiana: I'm doing TurboJam! Same company.

TJ: Either way, this position made my pee-pee soft. Basically.

Tatiana: I think it's hot when you use the term pee-pee. Say it again.

TJ: Pee-pee. Soft pee-pee.

Tatiana: Hot.

TJ: Maybe we were just lazy. I dunno. We would try it for a few seconds, then slip into something else.

Tatiana: Because it was a stupid, pointless position. The only way it worked for us is if I took my legs off his shoulders, or Toby would lay all the way back…and then still it was a pain. The only good thing about this is that Toby could roll forward and we'd already be in a position that was actually workable.

TJ: True. When it was going horribly wrong, I could easily roll into the default legs-over-head position. Hey, that would turn it into a rocking chair! Get it? Get it?

Tatiana: I don't get it?

TJ: Pee-pee. Soft.

Tatiana: You're turning me on. Let's go try it again.

TJ: Sold.

Tatiana: Every time we tried getting back into this position, we'd just sit there. There's no room for trusting, it's just like…grinding.

TJ: Maybe you have to have freakishly long arms?

Tatiana: I'll switch to P90X and we'll report back in a few months. But if you're a mere mortal, I can't see how to make this enjoyable without serious modification. If you want to bring your lovemaking to a screeching halt, try the Armchair.

Check out what Tatiana thought BEFORE she actually opened her…mind…and tried it. The ARMCHAIR.

Contact Tatiana at talktotatiana@gmail.com.

Tom Clare.

LA Weekly