Well-dressed patriots rejoiced and broke consumer whores wept this morning, when a giant shipment of 24,000 “Coach” scarves from China was stopped in its tracks at the Los Angeles/Long Beach Seaport.

With hound-like intuition, Customs and Border Protection officials determined there was something just not quite right about a giant shipment of 24,000 “Coach” scarves from China.

Credit: Department of Homeland Security

Credit: Department of Homeland Security

From there, swatches of the suspected knockoffs were sent to the Coach headquarters, where the brand confirmed it would never in a million years design something so hideous.

“It's like finding a needle in the haystack,” said CBP representative Jaime Ruiz. “It took an immense amount of expertise from the officers.”

The motherload of winter-wear had been listed by the crooks as having a retail value of $2.4 million. In fact, they're only worth about $84,920.

Someone just jumped off the top of his Shanghai office building.

According to Ruiz, the L.A. seaport sees thousands of cases like this each year. This month alone, they've halted lead-ridden children's toys, phony sunglasses, illegal pharmaceuticals — even a huge load of “massage devices” with counterfeit safety logos.

“Instead of getting a massage, you would have gotten electrocuted,” Ruiz said.

LA Weekly