Updated after the jump with the sheriff's department and the CHP jumping in on the fun.

A victory over the French is like saying you beat Andy Dick only using your left hand. Too easy. Still, any excuse is a good excuse to party, and, to be fair, Cinco de Mayo has become America's second-favorite beer holiday (next to St. Patrick's Day). (Really they should just call it what it really is — Cinco de Gringo).

So draw up your checklist: Sombrero that makes you look like a true drunktard. Check. Tequila. Of course. Beer. Yes (but go with a bright lager like Tecate instead of that syrup they call Corona — please). Designated driver? Yes.

The LAPD will be out in force, and there's nothing they'd rather do than bust idiots in sombreros. Here's the 411:

-They've got a DUI saturation patrol in “Northeast” (Los Feliz, East Hollywood, Highland Park, Eagle Rock, etc.) set for tonight. That's Cinco Eve to you hardcore celebrants.

-Then the cops hit the Foothill area (Pacoima, Sun Valley, Panorama City … ) on Cinco proper. That's Thursday.

-Ah, but the weekend has just begun: On Friday it's DUI checkpoint time in Hollywood at Sunset Boulevard and Genesee Avenue from 7 p.m. to 3 p.m.

Finally, on Saturday the department gives us another checkpoint, this one at Sherman Way and Kelvin Avenue in Canoga Park from 7 p.m. to 3 a.m.

Ay, Dios mio.

Update: The L.A. County Sheriff's Department states it will be …

… deploying overtime patrols onto city streets while CHP will be saturating the freeways and unincorporated communities. They will be looking for the signs of a drunk driver to stop, test and arrest if they have had too much alcohol.

So, yeah.

First posted at 8:03 a.m. on Wednesday, May 4.