Chick-fil-A Mascot + LA Weekly

Since we last reported on the “Chick-fil-A hates gay people” kerfuffle, complete with a homespun video from company president Dan Cathy, those pesky gay groups won't stop yammering about “rights” and “equality.” This is really getting old — and possibly hurting Chick-fil-A's image as the Southern fast food chain expands westward.

What's wrong with you, people? Was the video not folksy enough? Were you not paying attention? How many times does Chick-fil-A have to explain that the company is happy to sell fried chicken sandwiches to all people?

See, Chick-fil-A doesn't hate or dislike or discriminate against gay people. In fact, it encourages gay people to spend money — as much as they want! — on its delicious fried chicken sandwiches (which are coming soon to the corner of Sunset & Highland).

Scrumptiousness is a basic right enshrined in the Constitution, and Chick-fil-A 100% supports the right of gay people to consume as many chicken patties as they want. The company's honchos just happen to think that homosexuals shouldn't be legally allowed to marry, so Chick-fil-A will continue donating money to organizations that virulently oppose marriage equality. But don't worry. Gay money is as good as any other money. You can still buy their chicken.

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